


Lonely Generation

by ProsperDemeter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aromantic Peter Parker, Avengers Family, College Student Peter Parker, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Other, Parent Tony Stark, Schizophrenia, Secret Identities, Texting, angst is hidden in everything i write, everyone's probably out of character, i don't make the rules, tags will change as the story goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29801850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProsperDemeter/pseuds/ProsperDemeter
Summary: FlyBoy: we got hackedBruce: How is that even possible?Nat 🙂 : The spider kid is pretty impressiveBruce: The one in the unitard?Spidey: it’s not a unitardSpidey: Dr. Banner i never thought you’d be the one to offend meBruce: I am forever sorryBruce: Onesie*Spidey: you’re nicer as Hulk___In an AU where no one knows Peter's identity he decides, in a fit of frustration, to hack the Avengers chat. Chaos, as usual, ensues.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Thor, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Pietro Maximoff & Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Harley Keener/Harry Osborn, Harry Osborn & Peter Parker & Gwen Stacy & Mary Jane Watson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Ned Leeds & Harry Osborn & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Pepper Potts, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 264
Kudos: 406





	1. The Hack

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! With another text fic. And zero plan.

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** this is your friendly reminder to _clean up after your messes jfc i’m so tired of fighting your leftover bad guys_

 **Cap:** I'm sorry?

 **Spidey** : as you should be 

**Cap:** Who?

 **Spidey:** don't hurt me this way

 **Falcon:** ????? 

**Black Widow:** Did Stark add you? 

**Cap:** I am so confused. Do we have another team member? 

**Spidey:** you wish i was on your team

 **Spidey:** are your names seriously your made up names?

 **Spidey** : you're so lame and old

 **Hawkeye** : why are we being attacked 

**Hawkeye** : by an insect

 **Spidey:** spiders are arachnids and arachnids aren't insects you uncultured swine 

**Black Widow:** yeah Clint

 **Hawkeye:** I have never felt more betrayed

 **Spidey:** top ten anime betrayals

 **Falcon:** @Ironman come get your kid

 **Iron Man:** I don’t have a kid

 **Hawkeye:** but dad

 **Iron Man:** this is disgusting

 **Spidey:** you’re not my real dad

 **Iron Man:** I am _no one’s_ father

 **Iron Man:** wait

 **Spidey:** Yes, hello this is 1980 calling it wants it’s insecurities back

 **Cap:** What

 **Spidey:** you must live in a constant state of confusion

 **Iron Man:** HOW ARE YOU IN HERE

 **Black Widow:** You really are slow at this.

 **Hawkeye:** don’t yell it’s rude

 **Spidey:** ~magic~

 **Iron Man:** WHY CAN’T I KICK YOU OUT

 **Spidey:** _~magic~_

**_Nickname changed to Captain Sizzle_ **

**Captain Sizzle:** What.

**_Nickname changed to FlyBoy_ **

**FlyBoy:** _Stark control your kid_

 **Iron Man:** I’m _trying_

**_Nickname changed to Nat 🙂_**

**Nat 🙂 :** That emoji gives off the energy I long to cultivate 

**Hawkeye:** you cultivate it just fine

**_Nickname changed to BirdBoy_ **

**BirdBoy:** hey!

**_Nickname changed to Old Spice_ **

**Old Spice:** EXCUSE YOU

 **Spidey:** adios muchachos

 **Old Spice:** Get back here!!

 **Old Spice:** Why can’t I change these nicknames back? 

**Old Spice:** How am I locked out of my own chat?!

 **Nat 🙂 :** we’re just going to ignore that Clint said cultivate 

**BirdBoy:** correctly 

**BirdBoy:** might I add

 **Bruce:** Why is the chat going off at six in the morning? 

**Bruce:** Don’t you all like to sleep in? 

**BirdBoy:** don’t you ever assume Tony sleeps again

 **Nat 🙂 :** Good morning, Bruce. 

**Bruce:** Morning, Natasha

 **BirdBoy:** disgusting

 **Old Spice:** Bruce help

 **Bruce:** With?

 **FlyBoy:** we got hacked

 **Bruce:** How is that even possible? 

**Nat 🙂 :** The spider kid is pretty impressive

 **Bruce:** The one in the unitard?

 **Spidey:** it’s not a _unitard_

**Spidey:** Dr. Banner i never thought you’d be the one to offend me

 **Bruce:** I am forever sorry

 **Bruce:** Onesie*

 **Spidey:** you’re nicer as Hulk

 **BirdBoy:** ooo burn

 **Bruce:** You’re about the same either way. 

**Thor:** To what do I owe the pleasure of waking up to messages from you all? 

**Thor:** Is it my brother again? Has he once more tried to claim Midgard as his own? 

**Spidey:** Thor!

 **Spidey:** I love you. 

**Thor:** Are you the man of spiders? 

**Spidey** : omgThorknowswhoIam

 **Spidey:** yes

 **Thor:** I have a question for you. 

**Spidey:** anything

 **Thor:** Do you feel the spiders? 

**Spidey:** wh… what

 **Nat 🙂 :**????

 **BirdBoy:** Thor 

**Bruce:** You are going to be so disappointed Thor. 

**Old Spice:** How was I hacked

 **Captain Sizzle:** it happened 

**Captain Sizzle:** move on

 **Spidey:** i don’t

 **Spidey:** feel

 **Spidey:** spiders

 **Spidey:** unless they’re crawling on me which is a _big_ no thank you 

**Spidey:** actually a spider crawled on me once and bit me and now i’m here so you know idk if i should hate spiders or appreciate them but they’re fucking terrifying

 **FlyBoy:** language

 **Captain Sizzle:** It was _one time_

 **Nat 🙂 :** once is enough

 **Thor:** So you are not a man made of spiders?

 **Spidey:** thank you for adding to my nightmares

 **Thor:** So are you merely half spider?

 **Spidey:** i mean it messed with my dna so i’m like, probably, 20% spider 

**Spidey:** but i’m not the bio guy we’d have to ask my pal 

**Old Spice:** You type so fast.

 **Spidey:** you’re Old

 **Old Spice:** Cap’s old 

**Spidey:** don’t try to distract us 

**Captain Sizzle:** _technically_

 **Bruce:** Steve’s body is actually only, at best, early thirties. 

**Old Spice:** You’re supposed to be on my side.

 **Spidey:** Dr. Banner is on no one’s side

 **Spidey:** i miss Hulk

 **Bruce:** I’m sure he doesn’t miss you.

 **Spidey:** excuse you

 **Spidey:** we shared cookies once

 **Thor:** You are a valiant warrior, man of spiders. I cannot wait until I can legally challenge you for a battle in an arena of our peers

 **Spidey:** idk whether to be excited or threatened 

**BirdBoy:** probably both

 **Spidey:** i am both excited and threatened

 **Spidey:** anyway 

**Spidey:** as i was saying

 **Spidey:** clean up your messes after you fight

 **Spidey:** literally almost six people fell into a Captain America sized hole on their way to work today and more than a dozen business owners are now _without_ a business to own

 **Spidey:** i am but a poor spider and cannot afford to fix another window

 **Nat 🙂 :** why do I feel like we’re getting scolded by a very annoyed puppy

 **Spidey:** you are getting scolded by a very annoyed Spider-Man

 **Spidey:** seriously 

**Spidey:** i get that you’re the Avengers and everything but the Avengers need a stern talking to from my aunt to clean up their room before dessert

 **Spidey:** it’s getting a bit ridiculous

 **Spidey:** that is all i had to say ta for now children

 **Old Spice:** You can’t call me _old_ and then _a child_ moments later

 **Spidey:** _or what_

 **Old Spice:** Or I’ll 

**Captain Sizzle:** you’ll?

 **Nat 🙂 :**????

 **FlyBoy:** lmao is Stark silenced?

 **BirdBoy:** I think Spiderkid is my favorite

 **Bruce:** I’m going back to bed. 

**Thor:** Goodnight, Bruce!

 **Bruce:** night Thor

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Peter:** i hacked the chat

 **Harley:** i am in awe of you

 **Ned:** _I_ hacked the chat

 **Peter:** Ned hacked the chat

 **Harley:** I am in awe of Ned

 **Ned:** as you should be

 **Harry:** as it must be

 **Peter:** HARRY

 **Harry:** PETER

 **Harley:** lmao you hacked the chat at 6am

 **Ned:** Peter do you have the chem notes?

 **Peter:** ofc I do

 **Peter:** i am not some plebeian that doesn’t take notes

 **Harry:** yes you are

 **Peter:** don’t hurt me this way

 **Harley:** are y’all at school already?

 **Peter:** i dropped May off at the hospital and went straight to school

 **Peter:** she has a early morning shift today

 **Ned:** i’m in my kitchen eating a bowl of cereal

 **Harry:** omg me too

 **Ned:** omg

 **Harry:** only in my bedroom

 **Peter:** i want cereal

 **Ned:** i gottchu Pete

 **Peter:** Ned is a true friend

 **Harry:** wtf am i

 **Harley:** not a true friend

 **Harry:** 😔

 **Peter:** Harry you're a true friend 

**Harry:** i'm on my way from Cambridge with cereal for you 

**Harley:** but not for me?

 **Peter:** we literally share a room 

**Harry:** you don’t deserve the cereal

 **Harley:** but

 **Peter:** i didn’t say it

 **Ned:** wait Peter it’s tuesday

 **Peter:** yes it is

 **Ned:** we don’t have an early class on tuesday

 **Peter:** we do not

 **Ned:** why not just go back to your apartment and _nap_

 **Harry:** Peter? Admit his body needs sleep?

 **Harley:** Peter? Rest? 

**Peter:** i’m super behind on the poly sci paper

 **MJ:** you’re going to school for chem why are you taking poly sci

 **Harry:** morning MJ

 **MJ:** morning Harry

 **Harley:** MJ!

 **MJ:** bitch

 **MJ:** why are you losers up so early

 **Peter:** i had to walk May to work

 **Ned:** i hacked the Avengers’ chat

 **Peter:** ^^^

 **MJ:** so you all decided to zyoom over to the chat to wake me up

 **Harley:** turn off notifications?

 **Harley:** i had an early shift at the garage

 **Harry:** i always forget you actually have a job

 **Harley:** we can’t all be trust fund kids

 **Harry:** you’re missing out, let me tell you

 **Peter:** no we’re not

 **MJ:** stop lying

 **Harry:** you’re not

 **Ned:** why are _you_ up so early, MJ

 **MJ:** because my phone wouldn’t stop going off

 **MJ:** assholes

 **Harry:** liar

 **MJ:** shut it

 **Peter:** MJ has a _routine_

 **MJ:** i will cut your web as you swing

 **Harry:** murderous

 **MJ:** i will drive to Cambridge just to throw you in Boston Harbor 

**Harry:** promise?

 **Peter:** i have the internship tonight

 **Harry:**????

 **Harley:** lmao bro which one

 **Peter:** SI

 **Ned:** lmao how does your boss not know who you are yet

 **Harry:** how does dad not know who you are yet

 **MJ:** Gwen

 **Harry:** point

 **Peter:** rude

 **Peter:** i mean you’re both right but rude

 **Harley:** i don’t have si tonight

 **Peter:** we don’t have the same internship days

 **Harley:** lame

 **Peter:** i’m a glorified personal assistant at si 

**Peter:** i make all my webs and stuff at oscorp

 **Harry:** i don’t have to update your pass yet, right?

 **Peter:** no it’s good

 **Peter:** but Tony Stark barely knows who i am aside from the one guy that gets his coffee right

 **Harley:** i’m the one with the good music taste

 **Harry:** you mean shit music taste

 **Harley:** classic rock is classic for a reason

 **Harry:** you listen to _country_

 **Ned:** MJ how’s your internship going, btw

 **MJ:** fine 

**MJ:** Jamison is a bitch and i dislike him but he _does_ know how to spin a story

 **Peter:** of lies

 **Peter:** damn it i have to turn in pictures to him tonight if i want to get paid

 **Harry:** i’ve told you a thousand times that dad would make your internship paid 

**Peter:** i don’t want to be treated any differently just because i know the boss 

**Ned:** i would gladly be treated differently for knowing the boss

 **Ned:** Harry can your dad treat me differently?

 **Peter:** you do _not_ want Norman Osborn’s attention

 **Harry:** he’s not _that_ bad

 **MJ:** isn’t he on anti-psychotics

 **Harry:** isn’t everyone

 **Harley:** no???

 **Ned:** Peter don’t overwork yourself

 **Harry:** i can easily cover rent for a month

 **Harley:** for both of us?

 **Harry:** i mean 

**Peter:** i’m not overworking myself

 **Peter:** Thor asked me if i’m made of spiders today

 **Harry:** you mean to tell me that you’re _not_

 **MJ:** i had this very specific image of you in my mind, Parker

 **MJ:** and it had everything to do with a slew of spiders in a trench coat pretending to be a human

 **Harley:** Peter saw a spider in our shower and almost jumped out the window naked 

**Ned:** omg

 **Peter:** it was going to _touch me_

 **Ned:** we can’t have that

 **Peter:** listen

 **Peter:** i had a terrible experience with a spider once let’s not force me to relive it

 **Harry:** yes because every spider in NYC is secretly an experiment escaped from Oscorp

 **Peter:** it _could_ be

 **Peter:** why was even _one_

 **MJ:** he’s got a point

 **Harley:** womp womp

 **Ned:** Pete i’m on my way with cereal

 **Peter:** a god send

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Tony:** bring coffee

 **Intern #2:** always do

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** you know 

**Old Spice:** HOW ARE YOU STILL HERE

 **Wanda:** who?

 **Wanda:** oh

 **Wanda:** lmao nvm

 **Spidey:** your chat name is the only cool thing about this group chat

 **Old Spice:** @Vision, can you kick him out

 **Vision:** I am afraid that would be unwise 

**Spidey:** don’t be the wrong side of a labradoodle

 **Pietro:** ha

 **Pietro:** this is the most action this chat has gotten in months

 **Spidey:** much like Old Spice

 **Captain Sizzle:** Hello again Spider-Man

 **Spidey:** hey Captain Sizzle

 **Spidey:** where’s your better half

 **Old Spice:** he doesn’t have a better half

 **Captain Sizzle:** On a mission in Paraguay, why?

 **Old Spice:** wait

 **Spidey:** lmao that’s why

 **Old Spice:** _Barnes?!_

 **Captain Sizzle:** I didn’t think this was news?

 **Thor:** I have a feeling my brother would be very fond of you, man of spiders. 

**Spidey:** i’m going to take that as a compliment and move on

 **Nat 🙂 :** we’re supposed to be paying attention to this meeting

 **BirdBoy:** this is more fun anyway

**_Nickname changed to Hawkguy_ **

**Hawkguy:** aw man why

 **Spidey:** you’ve been upgraded :)

 **Old Spice:** why can’t I kick you out

 **Wanda:** why would you want to

 **Pietro:** this is the most fun this chat has ever been

 **Captain Sizzle:** This was meant to be used for missions

 **Old Spice:** what he said

 **Spidey:** why would you use a chat for missions

 **Spidey:** tell all the bad guys to take ten because you have to come up with your plan in your super secret group chat

 **Old Spice:** I don’t take criticisms from three year olds

 **Spidey:** some of the best criticism i’ve ever gotten was from three year olds

 **Spidey:** they always tell me when i look weird

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Tony:** I need your help kicking someone from a group chat. 

**Intern #2:** press the kick button

 **Tony:** Like I haven’t tried that.

 **Tony:** My office, twenty minutes. 

**Intern #2** : i have work to do mr. stark

 **Tony:** I’m your boss. 

**Intern #2:** Ms Potts is my boss

 **Tony:** I can fire you. 

**Intern #2:** this is an internship

 **Tony:** Intern. 

**Intern #2:** learn my name and maybe i will

 **Tony:** I know your name

 **Tony:** Coffee Intern

 **Tony:** I’m _begging_ you. 

**Intern #2:** in that case 

**Intern #2:** i’m on my way up

  
  
  



	2. 2am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The love I got last chapter really had me crying. I love all of you and thank you!

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Peter:** someone entertain me

 **MJ:** it’s 2am no one is awake

 **Peter:** you’re awake

 **Harry:** i’m awake

 **Peter:** _Harry_

 **Harry:** _Peter_

 **MJ:** why are you both awake

 **Peter:** patrol

 **Harry:** studying

 **MJ:** do you mean partying?

 **Harry:** no i have a philosophy test tomorrow

 **Harry:** today

 **Peter:** why are you taking philosophy

 **MJ:** at Harvard

 **Harry:** it is on the list

 **Peter:** _the list_

 **MJ:** _the list_

 **Peter:** anywho it’s quiet out tonight i am bored

 **Harry:** want me to rob a bank?

 **MJ:** want me to kill someone?

 **Peter:** two completely different but absolutely the same energies

 **Harry:** this is neither a yes nor a no

 **MJ:** so i’m gonna do it

 **Harry:** omg who are you going to kill

 **MJ:** that guy that cat called me at lunch

 **Harry:** _finish him_

 **Peter:** don’t????

 **MJ:** i wouldn’t get caught

 **Peter:** i’m?

 **Harry:** i’ll pay your defense fees if you do

 **MJ:** and for my new identity so i won’t

 **Harry:** fuck yeah

 **Peter:** guys 😭

 **Harry:** don’t kill the vibe

 **MJ:** yeah Peter

 **Peter:** what are you learning in philosophy

 **MJ:** don’t change the topic

 **Harry:** how to get away with murder

 **MJ:** ha! How does it feel to lose

 **Peter:** why aren’t my nice friends on

 **Harry:** i _am_ your nice friend

 **MJ:** ^

 **MJ:** no one is nicer to you than Harry

 **Peter:** where are my _nice friends_

 **MJ:** tag them

 **MJ:** see what happens

 **Harry:** god don’t Harley will be inconsolable

 **MJ:** such a big word for you

 **Harry:** thank you it was hard to spell

 **Peter:** @Ned 

**Peter:** @Harley

 **Harry:** why

 **MJ:** go ping all the Avengers awake

 **Peter:** omg i could

 **Harley:** WHY THE FUCK

 **Ned:** Peter 😭

 **Ned:** i just wanted to sleep

 **Harry:** rip

 **Harley:** GO TO BED OSBORN

 **Harry:** bitch

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** @everyone

 **Spidey:** wake up 

**Wanda:** bold of you to assume any of us sleep

 **Pietro:** lmao

 **Hawkguy:** why

 **Nat 🙂 :** no

 **Captain Sizzle:** hello?

 **Old Spice:** wait what time is it

 **Bruce:** _I will end you_

 **Thor:** It is morning?

 **Captain Marvel:** which loser pinged everyone

 **War Machine:** Tony why

 **Old Spice:** I didn’t do it!

 **Ant-Man:** Good morning! 

**Wasp:** leaving this

 **FlyBoy:** it’s so early

 **Winter Soldier:** what’s happening

 **Vision:** There are no emergencies in the New York area. 

**Doctor Strange:** I had this chat on _mute_

 **Vision:** @Spidey is everything okay?

 **Spidey:** Vision is my favorite

 **Old Spice:** YOU DID THIS

 **Spidey:** you’re very fond of that capslock

 **Spidey:** not to be mistaken for _Captain Sizzle_

 **Black Panther:** I’m shutting off my phone. 

**Spidey:** omg you’re so cool 

**Black Panther:** I have no idea who you are. 

**Spidey:** 😔😭

 **Spidey:** i’m Spider-Man

 **Old Spice:** the bane of my existence

 **War Machine:** so there’s not an emergency?

 **Winter Soldier:** Captain Sizzle? 

**Captain Sizzle:** hi Buck

 **Winter Soldier:** ooh

 **Winter Soldier:** hey Stevie

 **FlyBoy:** Stevie

 **Spidey:** Stevie

 **Spidey:** adorable

 **Captain Sizzle:** thank you

 **Winter Soldier:** I can and will rip your wings apart

**Spidey: 😮**

**FlyBoy:** remember when you remembered nothing? 

**FlyBoy:** those were good times

 **Captain Marvel:** it’s literally 2am

 **Spidey:** omg @Captain Marvel my best friend loves you

 **Captain Marvel:** as they should

 **Thor:** Man of Spiders!

 **Spidey:** Thor!

 **Bruce:** no

 **Hawkguy:** this is the most anyone has ever used this chat

 **Pietro:** was the secret to participation an @everyone tag?

 **Wanda:** no it was a spiderboy

 **Spidey:** Spider-Man*

 **Wanda:** spider-menace

 **Spidey:** only if you talk to jjj

 **Nat 🙂 :** Pietro you may be fast but I promise you will not see your punishment coming. 

**Pietro:** 😲

 **Wanda:** rip

 **Pietro:** 😲😲 

**Spidey:** omg rip

 **Winter Soldier:** how could i remember remembering nothing

 **Winter Soldier:** that doesn’t even logically make sense

 **Old Spice:** Spider-kid

 **Spidey:** tin can man

 **FlyBoy:** i was going to answer Barnes but

 **FlyBoy:** then tin can man happened

 **Spidey:** that’s not even my best work, man

 **Hawkguy:** i think Coulson might shoot me with my own arrows if my phone keeps going off

 **Spidey:** how many of you guys are on a mission?

 **Hawkguy:** mission? 

**Spidey:** nvm then

 **Bruce:** Pietro is now on my shit list

 **Spidey:** omg Pietro we’re both on the shit list

 **Pietro:** omg twinsies

 **Wanda:** you both have the same energy

 **Captain Sizzle:** are you patrolling, Spider-Man?

 **Spidey:** yeet

 **War Machine:** WHO TAGGED AGAIN

 **Spidey:** not me this time

 **Pieto:** eheheheehehe

 **Old Spice:** It’s 2am why are you patrolling still? 

**Spidey:** what are you my dad

 **Old Spice:** Isn’t it past your bedtime?

 **Spidey:** isn’t it past _yours_

 **Old Spice:** Adults don’t have a bedtime. 

**Spidey:** i’m an adult

 **Old Spice:** You’re two, at most. 

**Spidey:** 😡

 **Spidey:** i’m going to just let the next bad guy that wants to attack SI attack SI

 **Captain Sizzle:** How often do people want to attack SI? 

**Spidey:** literally all the time

 **Spidey:** when you erect a giant monument to yourself

 **Spidey:** announce you’re a superhero

 **Spidey:** move in all the _other_ superheroes

 **Spidey:** and tell people where they can find all of you at once 

**Spidey:** you’re bound to get attacked a few times

 **Hawkguy:** more than a few

 **Nat 🙂 :** and this is why I don’t live there

 **Hawkguy:** this is why i have a farm

 **Thor:** I have been informed that it is too early to contact right now. 

**Spidey:** who did you try to contact

 **Thor:** Lady Jane. 

**Nat 🙂 :** Thor no

 **Hawkguy:** you never interrupt a lady’s sleep

 **Nat 🙂 :** _never_

**Spidey:** i am now concerned

 **Spidey:** for my own safety

 **Nat 🙂 :** you should always be

 **Spidey:** 😮

 **Captain Sizzle:** Natasha, stop threatening the child

 **Old Spice:** Keep doing it

 **Spidey:** no i’m baby

 **Pietro:** no you spider

 **Wanda:** spider-baby

 **Spidey:** don’t kill me i have a chemistry paper due today

 **Nat 🙂 :** I won’t kill you

 **Spidey:** don’t maim me i need to my hands to eat burritos with

 **Winter Soldier:** burritos are a one hand food

 **Spidey:** don’t give her ideas

 **Nat 🙂 :** oh sweet spider the ideas have always been there

 **Old Spice:** Chemistry paper? How old _are_ you?

 **Spidey:** stranger danger

 **Captain Marvel:** Tony, you don’t just _ask_ people how old they are

 **Spidey:** yeah Tony

 **Wanda:** yeah Tony

 **Pietro:** yeh tony

**_Country Roads_ **

**Harley:** it’s 4am 

**Peter:** i’m on my way back

 **Harley:** your lunch is on the counter

 **Peter:** how can i ever repay you

 **Harley:** you know how you can repay me

 **Peter:** i’m not setting you up with my best friend

 **Harley:** 😭😭

 **Harley:** oh no your lunch fell into the trash

 **Peter:** you’re so mean

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** time for a nap 

**Spidey:** ciao Avengers

 **Nat 🙂 :** ciao

 **Thor:** Sleep well, man of spiders!

 **Bruce:** how much sleep do you even get?

 **Old Spice:** You started patrol at nine and are _just_ finishing at four? 

**Old Spice:** And from your “paper” comment you’re at the most in college. 

**Old Spice:** How the hell do you get enough sleep? 

**Captain Sizzle:** Tony has a point

 **Spidey:** i did not join this chat to have a bunch of parents rant at me about sleep

 **Hawkguy:** then get enough sleep

 **Spidey:** smh 

**Old Spice:** Goodnight, Spider-Kid

 **Spidey:** 😡

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Peter:** Harley actually threw out my lunch

 **Harry:** the _audacity_

 **Harley:** don’t be a bitch then

 **MJ:** bet you deserved it

 **Ned:** did you deserve it?

 **Harry:** remember when you said i _wasn’t_ the nice friend

 **Peter:** i was very wrong

 **Peter:** and i’m not a bitch 

**Harry:** i am

 **MJ:** Harry is

 **Ned:** sometimes you are

 **Harry:** Ned’s a savage today

 **Ned:** i’m a savage every day

 **Harry:** i repeat

 **Harry:** i am the nice friend

 **Harry:** you’re at home right?

 **Peter:** yeah class isn’t until one today

 **Peter:** and then i have Oscorp until close

 **MJ:** how do you even survive your schedule

 **Harley:** an unhealthy amount of caffeine

 **Harley:** how was SI yesterday?

 **Peter:** fine 

**Peter:** TS asked me to kick myself from the Avengers’ chat so i just switched admin control to myself

 **MJ:** one day you’re going to message from the wrong phone

 **Ned:** and i can’t live for that day

 **Harry:** eta 30 minutes

 **Peter:**????

 **Harley:** are you coming to visit or something?

 **Harry:** god no 

**Harry:** we’re in the middle of the semester don’t be crazy

 **Ned:** let’s not say anything and see how long it takes him to figure it out

 **MJ:** that’s a good plan

 **MJ:** why did Harley throw out your food?

 **Harley:** he won’t set me up with this hot guy he knows

 **Peter:** you two are not well matched

 **Ned:** come on Peter

 **Ned:** help a guy out

 **MJ:** you get to make that decision for someone?

 **Ned:** i know it’s not me but come on Pete

 **Ned:** i’m not gay but i’d happily go on a date with Harley

 **Harley:** see?

 **Harley:** Ned understands me

 **MJ:** lmao ask Ned

 **Harley:** omg i might

 **Peter:** _don’t you dare_

 **Ned:** _do it_

 **Harley:** Peter’s a bit protective

 **MJ:** lmao a bit?

 **Peter:** 😡😡😡😡

 **Harry:** enjoy your morning off

 **Harry:** don’t do anything crazy

 **Harley:** where are you going 😔

 **Harry:** microeconomics lecure

 **MJ:** you can spell microeconomics but not lecture

 **Ned:** the struggle

 **Harley:** spelling is hard

 **Peter:** bye Har 

**Harry:** bye Pete

**_Lifetime Achievement Award_ **

**Peter:** you ordered me food 🥺

 **Harry:** 😇

 **Peter:** 😊❤

 **Harry:** 💙

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Intern #2:** i am not ordering you this 

**Tony:** Do it or you’re fired.

 **Intern #2:** you can’t fire me

 **Tony:** Do it or I make you clean the lab. 

**Intern #2:** i always clean the lab?

 **Intern #2:** do you _not_?

 **Tony:** Do it or you’re not longer my favorite intern.

 **Intern #2:** use my name and i’ll do it

 **Tony:** Coffee Intern. 

**Intern #2:** oh i’m sorry i can’t hear you over the _not doing it_

 **Tony:** Please.

 **Intern #2:** did that hurt to say?

 **Tony:** Are you doing it?

 **Intern #2:** no

 **Tony:** You’re fired. 

**Intern #2:** so sad

 **Intern #2:** norman osborn will be happy to hear that he no longer shares my time

 **Tony:** Why do you even work for that place?

 **Intern #2:** why do i even work for you

 **Tony:** I’m cool. 

**Tony:** I’m technology and I treat my interns well. 

**Intern #2:** you just fired me because i said i wouldn’t order you a coffee with triple espresso shots and a monster on my day off

 **Tony:** It’s Thursday? 

**Intern #2:** smh

 **Intern #2:** see you tomorrow mr. stark

 **Tony:** Wait, I fired you. 

**Intern #2:** you can’t fire me byeee

 **Tony:** Smug little shit. 

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Old Spice:** My interns are the worst. 

**Captain Sizzle:** they’re not your interns

 **Old Spice:** Don’t make me freeze you again. 

**Spidey:** strong fighting words from a dinosaur

 **Nat 🙂 :** did you manage to get a good amount of sleep, Spider-Man?

 **Spidey:** a normal amount 

**Hawkguy:** so a good amount?

 **Spidey:** a normal amount 🙃

 **Old Spice:** How old are you?

 **Spidey:** stop asking that it’s creepy

 **Wanda:** stranger danger

 **Pietro:** tony stark is a creep

 **Old Spice:** I’m just _curious_. 

**Captain Sizzle:** are you still trying to unmask him?

 **Winter Soldier:** like you’re not

 **Captain Sizzle:** Buck

 **Winter Soldier:** no one likes a hypocrite

 **Spidey:** i wear a mask to protect people

 **Spidey:** mess with that and i’ll mess with you

 **Nat 🙂 :** we all wear masks

 **Nat 🙂 :** if ours aren’t as obvious that doesn’t make them any less important

 **Old Spice:** I’ll stop for now. 

**Spidey:** you’ll stop _forever_

 **Old Spice:** How did you hack yourself _deeper_ in here?

 **Pietro:** that’s what she said

 **Wanda:** are you 12

 **Pietro:** are _you_

 **Bruce:** Why can’t I mute this chat?

 **Spidey:** because this is family bonding

 **Old Spice:** If the Avengers are a family then you’re not a part of it. 

**Spidey:** _ouch_

 **Ant-Man:** oh! Spidey’s here!

 **Ant-Man:** what’s up dude

 **Spidey:** Scott!

 **Spidey:** how’s the kid?

 **Ant-Man:** she’s doing great!

 **Ant-Man:** loves the present you got her for her birthday

 **Ant-Man:** how did you even get that?

 **Spidey:** i know some people

 **Captain Sizzle:** do you two just hang out 

**Ant-Man:** Spidey helps Cassie on her homework if Hope and I aren’t available

 **Spidey:** she’s such a sweet kid

 **Ant-Man:** she really is

 **Nat 🙂 :** Spider-Man is absolutely part of this family

 **Hawkguy:** yeah Nat would kill for him

 **Hawkguy:** he’s like… the neighbor’s kid that wanders into your house and eats all of your food

 **Spidey:** i feel so loved

 **Nat 🙂 :** you sound so familiar with that role

 **Hawkguy:** yeah it was mine for a while there


	3. The Challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's shorter than I wanted and I am Incapable of making Harry Osborn happy 100% of the time

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Intern #2:** my pass isn’t working

 **Tony:** That’s so sad. 

**Intern #2:** why isn’t my pass working

 **Tony:** Can’t say, kiddo. 

**Intern #2:** i will throw your coffee out this window

 **Tony:** What window? You’re in the hallway, there’s no windows. 

**Intern #2:** this entire building is windows

 **Tony:** The entire building is specially reinforced glass. 

**Intern #2:** i will break it

 **Intern #2:** and yeet your coffee from the window

 **Tony:** I don’t believe you. 

**Tony:** You’re so small and scrawny you can’t do it. 

**Intern #2:** this sounds like a challenge

 **Tony:** If you do it, I’ll fix your pass. 

**Intern #2:** or i could just ask Ms. Potts

 **Tony:** Or you could do the science experiment. 

**Intern #2:** i don’t want to be fired

 **Tony:** Why would I fire you? I literally just told you to do it. 

**Intern #2:** i love that i keep telling you that you can’t fire me 

**Intern #2:** and you just choose to ignore that information

 **Tony:** Pepper wouldn’t fire you. 

**Intern #2:** she _might_

 **Tony:** If you successfully break that glass I will let you and your coworker of choice work on the next Ironman suit upgrade. 

**Intern #2:** terrible motivation there

 **Intern #2:** why would i want to work on that hunk of metal

 **Tony:** Excuse me?!

 **Intern #2:** engineering isn’t even what i _do_ here

 **Tony:** They…

 **Tony:** What _do_ you do here?

 **Intern #2:** give you your coffee

 **Tony:** Antagonize me. 

**Intern #2:** i’m in the biomechanics lab

 **Tony:** With Bruce?

 **Intern #2:** do you even know what your company does

 **Intern #2:** i work under Hannah

 **Tony:** Hannah. 

**Tony:** Which one is Hannah?

 **Intern #2:** i’m just going to leave your sludge of coffee by the door and go to work now

 **Tony:** Break that glass and your next project, regardless of what it is, is greenlit and stamped with Tony Stark approval. 

**Intern #2:** tempting

 **Tony:** I will make your internship paid. 

**Intern #2:** you will make _all_ internships paid

 **Tony:** If you can’t, you quit Osborn’s team. 

**Intern #2:** no can do, hombre

 **Tony:** What is with you and that man? 

**Intern #2:** let’s just say i have a personal stake in the success of the future ceo

 **Tony:** What?

 **Intern #2:** nothing

 **Intern #2:** what else you have

 **Tony:** If you can’t you get me whatever coffee I ask for. No questions back. No sass. 

**Intern #2:** a week of no sass

 **Tony:** A week with no sass. 

**Intern #2:** let me get this straight

 **Intern #2:** if i break the glass of this specific window you’ll give every intern here a _paid_ internship and greenlight whatever project i want to work out without any questions asked? 

**Tony:** Yes. 

**Intern #2:** and if i _don’t_ i just don’t sass you for a week?

 **Tony:** And get me whatever coffee I want. 

**Intern #2:** something seems really out of balance here but okay, old man

 **Intern #2:** it’s a deal

 **Tony:** Great, now bring me my coffee. 

**Intern #2:** oh you’re still not my boss

 **Tony:** Kid!

 **Intern #2:** byeeee

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Peter:** a challenge has been issued

 **Harley:** not by me

 **Peter:** no 

**Peter:** by ts

 **MJ:** ominous

 **Ned:** destroy him

 **Ned:** idk what the challenge is but destroy him

 **Harley:** Ned woke up and chose violence today

 **Harry:** i’m about to choose violence 

**Peter:** Harry!

 **Harry:** hi Peter

 **Peter:** oh no

 **Peter:** that’s not your usual greeting

 **Harley:** who am i killing

 **Peter:** why is everyone so ready for murder

 **MJ:** i’m always ready for murder who am i murdering

 **Ned:** i choose violence every day

 **Ned:** Peter always tries to stifle it

 **Peter:** you threw a rock at an old man

 **Ned:** he deserved it

 **Harley:** dude

 **MJ:** what did he do to deserve it?

 **Ned:** he stole my lunch

 **Peter:** it was an honest mistake

 **Ned:** it was not

 **Ned:** they called out Ned

 **Ned:** he waltzed right up to the counter and _took it_

 **Peter:** maybe he thought it was his name

 **Ned:** his name was George

 **Peter:** how do you know this

 **MJ:** yes Ned, how

 **Ned:** it was on the police report

 **Harley:** _the police report?!_

 **Ned:** yes keep up

 **Peter:** WAIT THIS HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE?!

 **MJ:** obviously

 **Harley:** _wait_

 **Peter:** @Harry come take him away before i break him

 **Ned:** i’d like to see you try, Parker

 **MJ:** damn Ned

 **Harley:** _was there a trial_

 **Ned:** no

 **Peter:** why

 **Ned:** i had a good lawyer

 **Peter:** _wait_

 **Peter:** @Harry you didn’t

 **Harry:** pls stop pinging me

**Peter: 😔**

**Harry:** i’m not having a good day

 **Harley:** what’s up?

 **Harry:** you know what’s up

 **Peter:** i don’t?

 **Harley:** it’s going to go _fine_

 **Peter:** do you two have a chat _without_ me?

 **MJ:** the _betrayal_

 **MJ:** Harry did you get Ned out of an assault charge?

 **Harry:** i didn’t

 **Harry:** my lawyer did

 **Ned:** ^^^^ 

**Ned:** because Harry is a true friend

 **MJ:** it pays off to know rich people

 **MJ:** how did he do it?

 **Harry:** we’re paying for his granddaughter’s education

 **MJ:** dope

 **Ned:** see? Went to a good cause

 **Harley:** you still have thrown multiple rocks at multiple old men

 **Ned:** and some birds

 **Peter:** Ned is just cranky

 **Ned:** i am how i am

**_Lifetime Achievement Award_ **

**Peter:** are you okay?

 **Harry:** i’m fine

 **Harry:** just stressed

 **Peter:** you never keep stuff like this from me

 **Harry:** because then _you_ stress

 **Harry:** it’s fine

 **Peter:** how long have you been having a private chat with Harley?

 **Harry:** stop

 **Peter:** i’m not doing anything

 **Harry:** you’re fishing

 **Peter:** i see no fishing rod here

 **Harry:** you _are_ the fishing rod

 **Peter:** 😔

 **Harry:** it’s just some tests 

**Harry:** don’t think about it too much

 **Peter:** what sort of tests

 **Harry:** the sort of tests that mean nothing right now

 **Peter:** but could potentially in the future

 **Harry:** i’m going to be fine

 **Peter:** you better be

 **Harry:** or else _what_ Parker

 **Peter:** or else i’ll fight your genetics

 **Harry:** lmao pls do

 **Harry:** get rid of these freckles

 **Peter:** that wouldn’t make Harley very happy

 **Harry:** i don’t care?

 **Peter:** but you have a private chat

 **Harry:** don’t make it this whole _thing_

**Peter:** you only say that when it is a thing

 **Harry:** fishing

 **Peter:** i have no fishing rod

 **Harry:** you’re doing _amazingly_ for someone just using their hands

 **Peter:** don’t you mean: _swimmingly_

 **Harry:** no

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Hawkguy:** @Spidey hasn’t bothered us in a few days is he alright

 **Old Spice:** Why would you alert him? 

**Old Spice:** It was so quiet. 

**Captain Sizzle:** Tony likes to pretend he doesn’t like the little guy 

**Spidey:** _little guy_

 **Spidey:** you’re just the size of a medium sized village 

**Spidey:** i am _average_ sized

 **Spidey:** Scott’s the _little guy_

 **Ant-Man:** sometimes

 **Nat 🙂 :** does Scott know your ID?

 **Ant-Man:** absolutely not that is none of my business

 **Spidey:** this is why Scott is the best

 **Spidey:** did you know that there’s an x-man named Scott too

 **Old Spice:** You hang out with the X-Men?

 **Spidey:** you _dont_?

 **Spidey:** they’re pretty cool

 **Spidey:** not as cool as the ff though

 **Spidey:** oh or Defenders

 **Nat 🙂 :** where do we rank on the list?

 **Spidey:** like 4th

 **Old Spice:** What.

 **Captain Sizzle:** Should I be insulted?

 **Winter Soldier:** always

 **Spidey:** hello scary assassin sir

 **Winter Soldier:** hello

 **Hawkguy:** why am i not scary assassin sir

 **Spidey:** you’re like the kind of scary where like

 **Spidey:** like

 **Nat 🙂 :** you’re not scary

 **Spidey:** no no no

 **Hawkguy:** ouch 

**Spidey:** no no you’re just

 **Spidey:** you’re like the scary that my aunt is when i do something wrong that i shouldn’t have done where it’s a real steady build up to scary

 **Spidey:** or!

 **Spidey:** like my friend who is really chill most of the time but if you make her mad she may commit murder

 **Hawkguy:** what i’m getting out of this is that i am a cool, scary woman

 **Spidey:** yeah

 **Spidey:** maybe a bit like a protective mama bear

 **Nat 🙂 :** this is a scarily accurate definition of Clint

 **Old Spice:** Clint is not scary. 

**Spidey:** don’t piss him off and he’ll stay not scary to you

 **Hawkguy:** yeah what the kid said

 **Spidey:** i’ll let that one go

 **Nat 🙂 :** where have you been? 

**Spidey:** busy

 **Spidey:** just webbing around

 **Nat 🙂 :** nothing worrying?

 **Spidey:** nah

 **Spidey:** i am stressed though but it’s small

 **Nat 🙂 :** you can tell us

 **Spidey:** no it’s not really anyone’s business

 **Captain Sizzle:** Maybe we can help.

 **Spidey:** it’s not really a superhero problem

 **Old Spice:** We’re not _only_ superheroes.

 **Spidey:** my friend’s just getting some tests done

 **Spidey:** and won’t tell me what sort of tests

 **Spidey:** he just said it’s not something that should affect him _now_

 **Bruce:** That could mean any number of things. Does his family have a history of illnesses? 

**Spidey:** his dad’s fucking psychotic

 **Spidey:** but i really don’t think that’s it

 **Bruce:** Psychotic how?

 **Spidey:** like

 **Spidey:** like i really shouldn’t be telling anyone this 

**Bruce:** Here’s the thing, a lot of medical conditions, be they physical or mental, _are_ genetic. Typically, young people don’t show symptoms or don’t wish to even be tested for the possibility of them down the line. It could honestly be your friend just wanting to get a head start on what to expect as he grows older. If he’s not worried beyond the typical “taking a test” stress then I’d try not to worry and focus on it too much. 

**Spidey:** i think this is the one time Doctor Banner has been nice to me over text

 **Thor:** Bruce simply likes to, what is the saying, _mess_ with you, Man of Spiders. 

**Spidey: 😮**

**Spidey:** Thor

 **Thor:** Hello, odd little man. 

**Old Spice:** So I gave my intern an impossible task.

 **Spidey:** _one_ of your interns

 **Old Spice:** He’s supposed to break one of our windows. 

**Old Spice:** So if that happens don’t be alarmed. 

**Captain Sizzle:** ?????

 **Nat 🙂 :** why would you do that

 **Old Spice:** Science. 

**Old Spice:** Wait _one_ of my interns?

 **Spidey:** yeah as a rich guy i figured you had more than one

 **Winter Soldier:** smooth

 **Captain Sizzle:**???

 **Winter Soldier:** don’t worry about it

 **Spidey:** Winter Soldier, sir, can i change your nickname?

 **Winter Soldier:** make it cool

 **Spidey:** omg give me some time to think of this

**_Nickname changed to Sergeant Soldier_ **

**Spidey:** approval?

 **Old Spice:** You didn’t ask for _my_ approval. 

**_Nickname changed to Micromanager_ **

**Micromanager:** HEY

**_Nickname changed to Caps Lock King_ **

**Caps Lock King** : You little shit.

**_Nickname changed to Honky Tonk Stank_ **

**Honky Tonk Stank:** KID

 **War Machine** : This was worth signing on for.

**Spidey: 😊**

**_Nickname changed to Iron Patriot_ **

**Iron Patriot:** That’s fair.

 **Sergeant Soldier:** i approve

 **Spidey:**!!!!!

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** I do NOT

 **Spidey:** no one asked you, honky tonk

**Honky Tonk Stank:** Holy shit the kid did it. 

**Honky Tonk Stank:** Am I secretly employing a genius? 


	4. The power you have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this up yesterday yikes. 
> 
> Anyway, your love and support for this story is amazing and leaves me speechless, i love you all

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** no

 **Nat 🙂 :** No?

 **Spidey:** _no_

 **Honky Tonk** **Stank:** Yes. 

**Spidey:** **_no_ **

**FlyBoy:** absolutely yes

 **Spidey:** fuck you no

 **Captain Sizzle:** Let’s just calm down here

 **Spidey:** _no no no no no no no_

 **Wanda:** no

 **Spidey:** thank you

 **Wanda:** np

 **Hawkguy:** what’s up kiddo?

 **Hawkguy:** you’re reminding me of a chatty 2 year old

 **Honky Tonk** **Stank:** That’s because he is two. 

**Spidey:** better than 200

 **FlyBoy:** spidey’s like 5 at best

 **Spidey:** excuse you 

**Spidey:** who’s the one that needs specially made wings to be special? 

**Spidey:** not me

 **FlyBoy:** yeah but I have training

 **Spidey:** you say that like you're special

 **Spidey:** the street vendors have training 

**FlyBoy** : are you comparing me to a street vendor?

 **Nat 🙂 :** what were we no-ing?

 **Hawkguy:** life

 **Spidey:** _life_

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** Who hurt you?

 **Spidey** : you

 **Honky Tonk** **Stank:** HOW?

 **Spidey** : your existence 

**Sergeant Soldier:** burn 

**Captain Sizzle:** Buck.

 **Sergeant Soldier:** Steven. 

**Spidey:** Spidey. 

**Honky Tonk Stank:** I don’t understand any of you. 

**Spidey:** praise

 **Captain Marvel:** I think my favorite thing about Spidey being part of this chat now is how much he just roasts everyone

 **Spidey:** omg Captain Marvel 

**Thor:** Good evening, friends. 

**Spidey:** _Thor!_

 **Thor:** Hello, man of spiders. 

**Spidey:** _i love you_

 **Thor:** And I you. 

**Spidey:** gusdhgisdhgf

 **Spidey:** i can die happy now

 **Hawkguy:** how come Thor gets all the fun fans

 **Thor:** It is easy. 

**Thor:** I am simply the best Avenger. 

**Honky Tonk Stank:** Bold words, alien. 

**Thor:** You are the alien to me, Stark. 

**Bruce:** This is not an argument that needs to be happening. 

**Spidey:** no it is

 **Spidey:** _fight fight fight_

 **Pietro:** _fight fight fight_

 **Wanda:** i feel i shouldn’t be happy you two met

 **Pietro:** <:)

 **Spidey:** omg he has a lil hat

 **Nat 🙂 :** hey @Spidey

 **Spidey:** i am here yes

 **Nat 🙂 :** i saw that you had a run in with Fisk last night

 **Nat 🙂 :** are you doing okay? 

**Spidey:** aw you’re so sweet

 **Spidey:** we broke no buildings

 **Nat 🙂 :** i asked about you not about buildings

 **Spidey:** 😮

 **Spidey:** did you know DD is super good at parkour

 **Spidey:** like he has no superpowers

 **Spidey:** he just _parkours_ everywhere

 **Spidey:** i want to be DD when i grow up

 **Hawkguy:** lmao imagine thinking you can avoid a conversation with Nat

 **Wanda:** oh to be so innocent

 **Captain Sizzle:** Thor just threw Tony out of a window

 **Sergeant Soldier:** score

 **Captain Sizzle:** Bucky no

 **Spidey:** Bucky yes

 **Spidey:** imagine thinking that just because you have tech that can fly you’re better than an actual god that can fly

 **FlyBoy:** this feels like a call out

 **Spidey:** because it is

 **FlyBoy:** why do you hate me

 **Sergeant Soldier:** imagine being Sam 

**FlyBoy:** i know why _you_ hate me

 **Captain Sizzle:** He doesn’t hate you.

 **Sergeant Soldier:** don’t speak for me

 **Spidey:** my friend told me that i had to say this

 **Spidey:** _Captain Marvel is the only Avenger that matters_

 **Captain Marvel:** Your friend is very smart

 **Captain Sizzle:** I feel like I shouldn’t get involved here but

 **Captain Sizzle:** What the fuck?

 **Spidey:** 😮

 **Spidey:** _Captain_

 **Sergeant Soldier:** in front of the children, Steven Grant, really?

 **Spidey:** _ooo middle named_

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** LANGUAGE

 **Spidey:** your over reliance on capitals is so exhausting

 **Honky Tonky Stank:** You’re exhausting. 

**Spidey:** great comeback 

**Spidey:** 1970 wants it back

 **FlyBoy:** _Steven_

 **Sergeant Soldier:** go away

 **FlyBoy:** why am i getting so attacked today

 **Spidey:** because you’re a little bitch

 **Captain Sizzle:** I’m sorry I’m still hung up on Captain Marvel being the only Avenger that matters.

 **Captain Marvel:** I was the first so I matter most

 **Captain Sizzle:** I’m _older_ than you

 **Bruce:** Technically…

 **Captain Sizzle:** No one cares about technicalities, Bruce.

 **Bruce:** wow well fuck you too

 **Thor:** Captain Danvers _does_ have the true military rank for her title, yes?

 **Sergeant Soldier:** technically, i outrank Steve

 **Captain Sizzle:** _Fuck your technicalities_.

 **Captain Marvel:** someone’s so salty

 **_Nickname changed to Best Avenger_ ** **.**

 **Best Avenger:** I approve of this, man of spiders.

 **Best Avenger:** You are the best spider.

 **Nat 🙂 :** pardon me?

 **Hawkguy:** this chaos was manufactured

 **Spidey:** how does it feel to be the guy that everyone just forgets exists, Clint?

 **Hawkguy:** wait

 **Hawkguy:** why _does_ everyone forget i exist?

 **Best Avenger:** You are a deadly spider but the man of spiders is still my favorite. 

**Nat 🙂 :** i could kill you without blinking

 **Best Avenger:** This does not make you the best spider.

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** THOR THREW ME OUT OF A WINDOW

 **Best Avenger:** You said that you could fly. 

**Best Avenger:** I merely wanted you to prove that you could without your armor.

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** I COULD HAVE DIED

 **Best Avenger:** And yet you did not. 

**Captain Sizzle:** How is THOR a better Avenger than me?

 **Captain Marvel:** Is your ego really so fragile?

 **Sergeant Soldier:** it’s because he was picked on growing up

 **Captain Marvel:** That explains so much.

 **Captain Sizzle:** I _carry_ this team.

 **Hawkguy:** should i

 **Hawkguy:** am i replaceable

 **Wanda:** we love you Clint

 **Pietro:** i guess you are all right for an old man

 **Hawkguy:** 😔

 **Hawkguy:** you two are the only that matter

 **Wanda:** ❤

 **Pietro:** i feel so valued?

 **Nat 🙂 :** god Clint take your self confidence issues somewhere else

 **Hawkguy:** 😭

 **Wanda:** hey

 **Pietro:** you are a scary woman but that is our emotional support archer

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** I could have _died_ and no one cares.

 **Bruce:** There _are_ more important things than you, Tony.

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** Thor threw me _out a window_

 **Best Avenger:** And you survived! You are not as useless as you seem!

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** I am NOT USELESS

 **Captain Sizzle:** Tony makes all of the tech we use in the field.

 **Sergeant Soldier:** just because you need Tony to explain how to use the remote doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t know how to survive without him

 **Captain Sizzle:** That was _between us!_

 **Sergeant Soldier:** 🤷♀️

 **Hawkguy:** @Wanda @Pietro do you want pizza?

 **Pietro:** yes

 **Wanda:** always

 **Hawkguy:** Phil says to come on over 

**Wanda:** bless Phil Coulson

 **Nat 🙂 :** I’m on my way over Clint

 **Hawkguy:** no 

**Hawkguy:** this pizza is for the kids that _care_

 **Nat 🙂 :** you know i care

 **Hawkguy:** if you acted like it i would believe you

 **Nat 🙂 :** i buy you tea weekly

 **Hawkguy:** i don’t _drink tea_

 **Nat 🙂 :** i know but i do

 **Hawkguy:** thank you for proving my point

 **Spidey:** my job here is done

 **Sergeant Soldier:** the power you have

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** WAIT.

 **Captain Sizzle:** _What_.

 **Captain Marvel:** lmao

 **Best Avenger:** You would be good friends with my brother.

 **Bruce:** Now I know why Hulk likes you.

**Nat 🙂 :** Did we just get played by a kid?

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** Expertly. 

**_Polka Dotted Underpants:_ **

**Peter:** i leave Harry with my phone once

 **Harley:** Harry’s here?

 **Harry:** hi

 **MJ:** the _chaos_

 **Peter:** he got all of the Avengers fighting

 **Ned:** the power you hold in you freckled hands

 **Harley:** i know i’m constantly in awe of you but damn boy

 **MJ:** stop thirsting on main

 **Harry:** manipulation is my superpower

 **Harley:** _marry me_

 **Peter:** don’t marry him

 **Harry:** take me to dinner first

 **Harley:** _okay_

 **MJ:** fools

 **MJ:** wait why does Harry get access to your phone but not me

 **Peter:** Harry don’t do this

 **Harry:** i’m not even doing anything

 **Harry:** i think it’s a fair question

 **Peter:** NO

 **Ned:** is Harry secretly terrifying?

 **Harry:** this is a secret to who

 **MJ:** he’s the scariest of us all

 **Harley:** wait do you

 **Harley:** actually want dinner? 

**Peter:** you’re hopeless Keener

 **MJ:** Harley I want dinner

 **Ned:** ^ take me to dinner

 **Harley:** _you’re_ hopeless, Parker

 **Harry:** i like food

 **MJ:** the fact that this isn’t an answer is hilarious

 **Ned:** are you oblivious or playing the poor boy

 **Peter:** i hate you both

 **Harry:** Peter 😔

 **Peter:** i take it back

 **Peter:** i _dislike_ you both

 **Harry:** _Peter_ 😔😔😔😔

 **Harley:** don’t do this to him

 **Harry:** i am _fragile_

**Peter:** i’m getting free dinner

 **Peter:** i don’t hate these two anymore

 **MJ:** Peter did all of this on purpose

 **Peter:** idk what you’re talking about

 **Harley:** i’m kicking him out of the apartment

 **Harry:** you’re both on the lease you can’t do that

 **Harley:** stop defending him

 **Harry:** no

 **MJ:** why are you in NY?

 **MJ:** and _not_ visiting me

 **Harry:** reasons

 **Ned:** yeah why are you not visiting _me_

 **Harry:** reasons

 **Peter:** free food is the way to my heart

 **Harley:** yeah because that’s where i want to be

 **Harry:** i mean who would blame you

 **MJ:** Harley you poor boy

 **Harley:** i am cursed

 **Ned:** Harry!

 **Harry:** _what_

 **Peter:** why is no one upset they don’t spend time with me 😭

 **MJ:** i see you for family dinner with May every friday

 **Harley:** i live with you

 **Ned:** we go to school together

 **Peter:** but

 **Harry:** Peter i miss you

 **Harley:** literally everyone knows

 **Harry:** why are you so upset?

 **MJ:** yeah Harley

 **Harley:** 😪

 **Peter:** hehehehehe

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Tony:** Peter.

 **Intern #2:** yes?

 **Tony:** I learned your name.

 **Intern #2:** congratulations

 **Intern #2:** you have officially done the bare minimum

 **Tony:** There really is no winning with you is there?

 **Intern #2:** do you text all of your employees this much

 **Tony:** You’re so judgemental.

 **Intern #2:** i’ve worked for you for almost a year and you _just_ learned my name

 **Tony:** I’ve known your name.

 **Intern #2:** sure you did

 **Tony:** Okay maybe I didn’t. 

**Tony:** But I do now and that’s what’s important. 

**Intern #2:** sure it is old man

**_May_ **

**Peter:** i need advice

 **May:** hey baby

 **Peter:** hi May ily

 **May:** ily2

 **Peter:** so

 **May:** yes go on

 **Peter:** Harley has the biggest crush on Harry and like it was cute at first but

 **May:** but?

 **Peter:** idk it’s just

 **May:** Harry can make the decision if he wants to date him or not by himself, right?

 **Peter:** he can i just

 **May:** baby, i know he’s your best friend

 **May:** i know you’re worried 

**Peter:** he’s home for the weekend

 **May:** tell him he has to stop by

 **Peter:** ofc 

**Peter:** but he only comes home for the weekend if something’s wrong

 **Peter:** but he won’t tell me what

 **May:** you have a habit of inserting yourself where it’s not needed

 **May:** baby it’s not really a bad thing but he’ll come to you when he’s ready

 **May:** maybe he just needs his best friend right now

 **Peter:** i know

 **May:** and we _both_ know that Harley is very much his type

 **Peter:** _i know it’s terrible_

 **May:** how’s the internships?

 **Peter:** Oscorp is fine

 **Peter:** SI is paid now

 **May:** look at that!

 **Peter:** it’s pretty cool ngl

 **May:** i’m so proud of you

 **Peter:** thanks, May ❤💙

**_AvengeChat:_ **

**Honky Tonk Stank:** @Spidey

 **Spidey:** you rang?

 **Nat 🙂 :** why did you make us all fight

 **Spidey:** oh that wasn't me

 **Captain Sizzle:** It was definitely you.

 **Spidey:** i mean it was my user

 **Spidey:** but my friend was the one doing all the work

 **Ant-Man:** hey Spidey

 **Spidey:** hey Scott 👋

 **Hawkguy:** someone else was using your phone?

 **Spidey:** yeah 

**Honky Tonk Stank:** Someone knows your ID?

 **Spidey:** a few people know my id

 **Captain Sizzle:** That doesn’t seem responsible, son.

 **Spidey:** one: you’re not my dad

 **Spidey:** two: you lecture me on responsible when you let your team fall to pieces over texts 

**Sergeant Soldier:** lmao

 **Best Avenger:** I am still the best Avenger though. 

**Bruce:** we are not doing this again

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be out Monday! I look forward to seeing you all then! :)


	5. Perish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of you!

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Harley:** alert

 **Ned:** RED ALERT

 **Harley:** no

 **Harley:** mild yellow light alert

 **Ned:** boring

 **MJ:** lame

**Harley: 😡**

**Harley:** our apartment is haunted

 **Peter:** no it’s not

 **Harley:** it absolutely is

 **Peter:** ghosts aren’t real

 **Harley:** you’re not real

 **Peter:** excuse you

 **Ned:** your _face_ isn’t real

 **MJ:** dope

 **MJ:** can i ghost hunt your home

 **Harley:** sure

 **MJ:** _win_

 **Peter:** no

 **MJ:** too bad I already got a yes

 **Peter:** damn it

 **Ned:** how is the house haunted

 **Ned:** what has led to this conclusion

 **Harley:** the window is always open even though i close and lock it every night

 **MJ:** that could just be Peter

 **Peter:** how dare you insinuate that i just leave windows open and unlocked

 **Harley:** you _do_

**Ned:** but?

 **Harley:** but i wake up before Peter’s done patrolling 

**Harley:** for work

 **Harley:** and the windows are wide open then

 **Peter:** it’s the pigeons

 **Harley:** New York pigeons are terrifying

 **MJ:** unlike this story

 **MJ:** is this really over windows

 **Harley:** no i have more proof

 **MJ:** tell me more

 **Harley:** i’m _trying_

 **MJ:** try _harder_

 **Harley:** smh

 **Peter:** he’s struggling to come up with examples because it’s

 **Peter:** _not haunted_

 **Ned:** you’re such a nonbeliever

 **MJ:** shut it science boy

 **MJ:** Harley carry on

 **Harley:** i was in the kitchen and a mug just fell off the counter when my back was turned

 **Peter:** it was probably balancing on the end of the counter

 **Ned:** imma mute you

 **Peter:** _bet_

 **Harley:** there’s weird shadows sometimes

 **Harley:** and we have sudden drops and rises in temperature by the refrigerator and shower

 **Ned:** interesting

 **MJ:** did you mute him?

**Ned: 🙂**

**MJ:** savage

 **Harley:** sometimes you think you hear things? 

**MJ:** like what

 **Harley:** like laughter?

 **Ned:** haa they’re laughing at how lame you are

 **Harley:** wow

 **Ned:** please forgive me

 **Ned:** it just came to me and needed to be said

 **Harley:** it did _not_ need to be said

 **MJ:** no it did

 **Harley:** why am i friends with all of y’all 

**MJ:** our stunning good looks

 **Ned:** no that’s only Harry

 **Harley:** _don’t_

 **Ned:** lmao

 **MJ:** Peter hasn’t hacked his way back in yet?

 **Ned:** i’m too good for him

 **Ned:** don’t doubt my skills

 **Harley:** how could anyone doubt you Ned

 **Ned:** seriously

 **Harry:** you guys are a pain in the ass

 **Peter:** HARRY

 **Harry:** PETER

**Peter: 😊😊😊😊**

**MJ:** he comes back for Harry but not us 

**Ned:** i have never been more hurt

 **Peter:** what about that time where you bought Betty Brandt a puppy and then you guys broke up and she took the puppy?

 **Harry:** why would you remind him of that

 **Harley:** aren’t you in class?

 **Harry:** yeah that’s why i was cursing you earlier

 **Ned:** but he came to my defense

 **Harry:** but Ned needed help

 **Peter:** but does it hurt that much

 **Ned:** _worse_

 **Peter:** as it should

 **Harley:** that’s cold

 **Harry:** stop being mean to Ned 😔

 **Ned:** yeah stop being mean to Ned

 **MJ:** Peter thinks he’s a savage but he’s really the most innocent of all of us

 **Peter:** i’m not innocent

 **Harry:** you’re innocent

 **Peter:** Har why are you betraying me this way

 **Harry:** because you’ve hurt Ned 

**Ned:** _i am superior_

 **Harley:** wait Harry

 **Harry:** i’m not going anywhere

 **Harley:** do you believe in ghosts

 **Peter:** don’t say yes

 **MJ:** say yes

 **Ned:** believe in Harley

 **Harley:** believe in me

 **Harry:** i believe there are things that we don’t have a name for yet in our universe 

**Peter:** noooooo Harry

 **Harry:** we only can see specific parts of our world and we’re discovering more and more every day so it only stands to reason that what we call ghosts _may_ be another universe, timeline, or plane of existence

 **Harley:** you’re so smart

 **MJ:** keep it in your pants

 **Harley:** i

 **Peter:** _please_

 **Harry:** however

 **Peter:** _yes_

 **Harry:** i also believe that Peter’s a little shit

 **Peter:** i am _not_

 **Harry:** and is friends with a lot of enhanced individuals that owe him favors and at least two of them can make themselves invisible or move fast enough that the naked eye can’t see them

 **Peter:** why did you have to do this

 **Harry:** because it’s a mean prank

 **Harley:** wait

 **Harley:** you mean to say

 **Harley:** that you’ve been pranking me

 **Harley:** for _six months_?!

 **Peter:** no i say nothing

 **MJ:** omg

 **Ned:** you _legend_

 **Harry:** he says yes

 **Peter:** i hate you

**Harry: 😔**

**Harley:** y’all i’ve had this house blessed _three times_

 **Peter:** i know

**Peter: 😂😂😂😂**

**Harley:** my revenge will be sweet

 **Harry:** i’m turning off my phone now 

**MJ:** lame

 **Ned:** boo

 **Peter:** have fun in bio!

 **Harley:** i’ll miss you

 **Harry:** rip

 **Harley:** damn

 **MJ:** lmao you just keep trying

 **Ned:** you’ll wear him down sometime

 **Peter:** no you won’t

 **Harley:** i can’t wait to make you suffer

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** MY ROOMMATE IS THE WORST 

**Honky Tonk Stank:** Who loves capslock now?

 **Spidey:** still you

 **Spidey:** i am _in a rage_

 **Nat 🙂 :** Good morning, Spider-Man

 **Hawkguy:** how do we know this is really you?

 **Spidey:** you don’t

 **Spidey:** that’s half the fun

 **Sergeant Soldier:** Spidey doesn’t drop swears every two seconds.

 **Spidey:** i swear

 **FlyBoy:** prove it

 **Spidey:** shit

 **Spidey:** fuck

 **Spidey:** damn

 **Captain Sizzle:** Damn’s a swear now?

 **Sergeant Soldier:** you would know

 **Captain Sizzle:** Buck 😔

 **FlyBoy:** for an old married couple you two bicker a lot

 **Captain Marvel:** what has your roommate done?

**Spidey: 😭**

**Spidey:** he put mint on all the food 

**Spidey:** i don’t like mint

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** What did you do to deserve this?

 **Spidey:** nothing

 **Nat 🙂 :** I don’t believe you

 **Spidey:** _Nat_ 😭

 **Nat 🙂 :** you play innocent but you’re actually very devious

 **Captain Sizzle:** Why would you ruin food? 

**Sergeant Soldier:** mint doesn’t _ruin_ food

 **Spidey:** don’t believe him 

**Spidey:** sorry to disagree with you Mister Winter Soldier Barnes sir

 **Sergeant Soldier:** i’ll forgive you just because you have killer puppy dog eyes

 **Spidey:** i appreciate it 

**Hawkguy:** Spidey

 **Spidey:** Hawk

 **Hawkguy:** do you want to meet my dog

 **Spidey:** what kind of question is that

 **Spidey:** do i want to meet your dog

 **Spidey:** like i’d _ever_ say no

 **Hawkguy:** praise

 **Nat 🙂 :** you have a dog?

 **Hawkguy:** i found him

 **Nat 🙂 :** does Phil know you have a dog?

 **Hawkguy:** what Phil doesn’t know won’t hurt him

 **Wanda:** he is a very good dog

 **Pietro:** ^ 

**Pietro:** i love pizza dog

 **Nat 🙂 :** Pizza dog?

 **Nat 🙂 :** Clint don’t tell me that’s what you named him

 **Spidey:** please tell me that’s what you named him

 **Hawkguy:** his name is Lucky and he is perfect

 **Spidey:** i love him

 **Honky Tonk Stank:** WAIT

 **Spidey:** capslock man is back

 **Spidey:** lmao wait

 **Pietro:** _do it_

**_Nickname changed to Capslock Man_ **

**Capslock Man:** @Sergeant Soldier 

**Sergeant Soldier:** no

 **Nat 🙂 :** aren’t you in a mission

 **Sergeant Soldier:** we’re on the same mission, Nat

 **Nat 🙂 :** i’m not on a mission

 **Hawkguy:** you’re supposed to be?

 **Nat 🙂 :** am i?

 **Sergeant Soldier:** i really enjoy knowing my backup isn’t here

 **Nat 🙂 :** rip

 **Captain Sizzle:** I can head to you?

 **Hawkguy:** you’re not covert, Cap

 **Captain Sizzle:** I can be covert.

 **Spidey:** @Capslock Man has been typing for a very long time

 **Nat 🙂 :** where are you Barnes

 **Sergeant Soldier:** Chicago

 **Nat 🙂 :** i’ll be there in 0200

 **Sergeant Soldier:** no sooner?

 **Nat 🙂 :** that’s literally an hour from now

 **Sergeant Soldier:** yeah but i’m kind of already in a situation

 **Captain Sizzle:** Don’t text during your mission!

 **Spidey:** i would like to point out that this is literally the entire reason why you _made the chat_

 **FlyBoy:** spider kid is right

 **Spidey:** i could crush you

 **FlyBoy:** you’re tiny

 **Spidey:** i have _super strength_

 **FlyBoy:** you’re a super annoyance

**Spidey: 😡**

**Spidey:** you’re lucky i have a moral compass

 **FlyBoy:** or _what_

**Capslock Man:** YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?!

 **Spidey:** i am a man of mystery

 **Pietro:** international man of mystery

 **Wanda:** national man of mystery*

 **Spidey:** :😔

 **Spidey:** no everyone knows who i am

 **Nat 🙂 :** i hate to tell you this kiddo

 **Spidey:** :😔😔😔😔

 **Captain Marvel:** there’s this planet in the Plomostra galaxy that worships Spider-Man

 **Spidey:** wait

 **Spidey:** _really_?

 **Captain Marvel:** no

 **Captain Marvel:** that’s not even a real galaxy

 **Spidey:** i feel _hurt_

 **Best Avenger:** Do not hurt the man of spiders. He is fragile. 

**Capslock Man:** HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?

 **Sergeant Soldier:** he told me

 **Capslock Man:** HE TOLD YOU?!

 **Captain Sizzle:** Why haven’t you told _me_?

 **Sergeant Soldier:** i don’t have to tell you everything, Steven

 **Spidey:** yeah Steven

 **Captain Sizzle:** Not the kid’s name but that you know who he is. 

**Spidey:** not a kid

 **Hawkguy:** kind of a kid

 **Spidey:** half a kid

 **Wanda:** and half a spider

 **Capslock Man:** HOW?!

 **Spidey:** dude chill

 **Nat 🙂 :** stop yelling

 **Sergeant Soldier:** to be fair he didn’t _purposely_ tell me his name

 **Spidey:** i didn’t

 **Sergeant Soldier:** he thought i was saying his name when i was really saying something else and answered 

**Capslock Man:** What did you say?

 **Sergeant Soldier:** you’re going to have to try harder than that Stark

 **Spidey:** rip Stank

 **Capslock Man:** How did you even hear about that?

 **Spidey:** about what?

 **Spidey:** my friend has an accent and it sounds like Stank when he says your name

 **Capslock Man:** Is this the same friend that took your phone?

 **Spidey:** no but he wants to get _with_ that friend

 **Capslock Man:** How many friends do you have?

 **Spidey:** enough

 **Nat 🙂 :** you’re so unsubtle

 **Captain Sizzle:** Honestly, Tony. 

**Hawkguy:** even i’m better at this

 **Nat 🙂 :** you should be it’s your job

 **Hawkguy:** shhh

 **Spidey:** anyway lovely chat

 **Spidey:** i have to finish this project before my boss gets big mad

 **Nat 🙂 :** you have a job? 

**Spidey:** internship and job

 **Spidey:** this one’s the internship

 **Spidey:** wait two jobs

 **Spidey:** shit i have a deadline tomorrow

 **Captain Sizzle:** How do you have enough time to do all of that, school, and be Spider-Man?

 **Spidey:** bold of you to assume i have time to do anything

 **Capslock Man:** Where’s your internship?

 **Spidey:** you’re going to hate where

 **Capslock Man:** Where?

 **Spidey:** _oscorp_

 **Capslock Man:** WHY

 **Spidey:** byeeee

 **Nat 🙂 :** good luck

 **Spidey: 😅** thanks

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Tony:** You have an internship at Oscorp. 

**Peter:** yes

 **Peter:** we’ve literally talked about this

 **Tony:** Do you know the other interns?

 **Peter:** are you interrogating me?

 **Tony:** Just curious.

 **Peter:** yes because this screams _just curious_

 **Tony:** No sass.

 **Peter:** i won our little bet 

**Peter:** i can sass all i want to

 **Tony:** What do you do at Oscorp?

 **Peter:** i work in one of the biochem labs

 **Peter:** we’re working on cellular regeneration

 **Peter:** why

 **Tony:** How many people have more than one job there?

 **Peter:** i mean unless they pay me i don’t consider it a _job_

**Peter:** but idk man plenty

 **Tony:** Hmm

 **Peter:** _hmm_

 **Peter:** what is this about

 **Tony:** How’s that project of yours going?

 **Peter:** just running the last few tests and then submitting it for approval

 **Tony:** Well done. 

**Peter:** thanks!

 **Tony:** No really, kid. You’re a good worker. And you know what you’re doing. 

**Peter:** flattery will get you nowhere, Mr. Stark

 **Tony:** It got you to capitalize my name. 

**Peter:** but annoyance got you to learn mine

 **Tony:** We’re both good at what we do. 

**Peter:** i’m better

 **Tony:** Kid

 **Tony:** Just take the compliment. 

**Peter:** you being nice to me is uncomfortable

 **Tony:** What do the kids say?

 **Peter:** _what does the fox say_

 **Tony:** Perish. 

**Peter:**


	6. Friends don't keep secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strap in folks we're in for a bumpy ride

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Tony:** Question. 

**Peter:** please stop i am in class

**Tony:** Who said that you have to answer immediately?

**Peter:** you’ve got me there

**Tony:** What class?

**Peter:** was that really the entire reason you messaged?

**Tony:** I’m trying to get to know my intern. Sue me. 

**Peter:** my lawyer doesn’t do that

**Tony:** You have a lawyer?

**Peter:** what, like they’re only for rich people?

**Tony:** You’re a college student. Why do you need a lawyer?

**Peter:** don’t you worry about it

**Tony:** ????

**Peter:** shh it’s okay

**Tony:** I’m concerned about you now. 

**Peter:** i think my friends have a  _ worried about Peter  _ club if you want a badge

**Tony:** You seem more hyper than usual. 

**Peter:** no this is just me normally

**Peter:** what’s up iron boss man 

**Tony:** Why aren’t you this hyper all the time?

**Peter:** i am 

**Peter:** i literally can’t sit still

**Peter:** i’m just exhausted by the time work happens

**Peter:** lmao who am i kidding i’m always tired

**Tony:** Moving on from this slightly concerning conversation. 

**Peter:** make it quick, old man, i have to finish up this paper

**Tony:** Didn’t you just say that you’re in class?

**Peter:** yes

**_Lifetime Achievement Award_ **

**Peter:** i can multitask

**Harry:** can you???

**Peter:** shit that wasn’t meant for you

**Harry:** thank you for proving my point

**Peter:** _you know what Osborn_

**Harry:** please wow me with your information

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Peter:** i miss you 😭

**Tony:** Wow kid I didn’t think we were that close. 

**Peter:** _ fuck  _

**Tony:** No no, we should really talk about this. 

**Tony:** Am I an important figure in your life? 

**Tony:** Almost like a… father?

**Peter:** that role has been filled plenty thank you

**Tony:** Mentor?

**Peter:** wise old wizard that gives me information and then conveniently dies before telling me an important plot point

**Tony:** The wizard would be Steven Strange. 

**Peter:** i have no idea who that is

**Tony:** Dr. Strange?

**Peter:** the only doctor that matters to me is dr. pepper

**Tony:** You drink that sludge?

**Peter:** you’re judging me but i’ve seen what you put in your coffee

**Tony:** So am I a mentor?

**Peter:** no you’re my annoying boss

**Peter:** why did you text me in the middle of the day?

**Tony:** No, this conversation is much more entertaining.

**_Country Roads_ **

**Harley:** rent’s due tomorrow

**Peter:** i hate you

**Harley:** well fuck you too Parker

**Peter:** WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING

**Harley:** rent is charged monthly so idk why you’re shocked

**Peter:** someone put me out of my misery

**Harley:** i volunteer as tribute

**Peter:** i will never set you up with Harry

**Harley:** i’ve known that for months

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Peter:** why did you text meeee

**Tony:** Are you really whining right now?

**Peter:** contrary to what you’ve been told you’re not my favorite person to talk to during class

**Tony:** Ouch. 

**Tony:** I could fire you. 

**Peter:** at this point i think you just like saying that 

**Peter:** we both know how untrue it is

**Tony:** I’m sure I could get Pepper on my side. 

**Peter:** i’m sure you couldn’t

**Tony:** So my question. 

**Peter:** finally

**Tony:** Lose the attitude. 

**Peter:** never

**Tony:** How do your parents deal with you?

**Peter:** their plane crashed and killed them so they didn’t have to anymore

**Tony:** Peter….

**Peter:** bad joke?

**Tony:** You would joke about that?

**Peter:** if you don’t laugh you cry

**Peter:** laugh through the tears

**Peter:** my life is a joke

**Tony:** Are you depressed?

**Peter:** are you?

**Tony:** Clinically. 

**Peter:** oh rip

**Peter:** so is like most of my generation 

**Peter:** more importantly

**Peter:** _ why did you text me _

**Tony:** How do you do the italics?

**Peter:** is that  _ really _ what the question was?

**Tony:** No but now I’m curious.

**Peter:** how must it be to be in your mind

**Tony:** It’s a wonderful place. 

**Peter:** it’s so  _ scattered _

**Tony:** All the best minds are. 

**Peter:** **

**Tony:** What did I do wrong?

**Peter:** you’re so  _ old _

**Peter:** put ** in front and after the word you want to italicize

**Tony:** * Like this *?   
**Peter:** omg this is painful

**Peter:** remove the spaces

**Tony:** _ Like this? _

**Tony:** I did it!

**Tony:** Okay my actual question now. 

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Peter:** you’re exhausting

**Ned:** _ you’re _ exhausting

**Harley:** seriously 

**Harry:** Pete

**MJ:** should i be insulted?

**Peter:** why do i keep doing this

**Harry:** because you don’t check your messages before sending them

**Harley:** has he insulted you today too?

**Ned:** Peter’s default is insulting

**Peter:** wow

**Peter:** Ned’s attacking me today and idk why

**Ned:** it’s what you deserve

**MJ:** Ned what has he done to you today?

**Ned:** he’s not paying attention to me 😭

**MJ:** Peter

**MJ:** give Ned the attention he deserves to thrive

**Peter:** too many people want my attention

**Harley:** i don’t want your attention

**MJ:** no you want someone else’s

**Harley:** Mary Jane Watson

**MJ:** Harley Joseph Keener

**Ned:** Peter Benjamin Parker

**Peter:** _what_

**Ned:** i thought we were just calling out each other’s names

**Peter:** _ Edward _

**Ned:** nvm i hate you again

**Peter: 😔**

**MJ:** Harry’s always so quiet

**MJ:** it’s like he hates us

**Harry:** no i’m just the only one that pays attention during class

**Harley:** he has a prof that will fail you if he sees you on your phone

**Harry:** ^

**Peter:** you do?

**Ned:** every now and then Harley drops knowledge about Harry that Peter doesn’t know and i just see the question marks float in the air

**Peter:** well  _ why don’t i know _

**Harry:** you’re not the only person i talk to

**MJ:** yeah he talks to the voices in his head too

**Harry:** not since the medication shh

**Peter:** _ Harold _

**Harry:** you’re not the only one that can make fun of your issues

**Harry:** you don’t own the patent

**Harley:** lmao you don’t hear voices though

**Harry:** no i just  _ see  _ things

**MJ:** maybe you’re psychic 

**Ned:** oooOOOOO

**Peter:** you’re all terrible people

**Harley:** you’re the worst of us

**Peter:** hey

**Harry:** we only know each other because of you

**MJ:** wrong  _ we _ met in preschool

**Harry:** omg we did

**Ned:** imagine not knowing me

**MJ:** it would be terrible

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Tony:** Could “internship” just be a code phrase for something else?

**Peter:** li… like?

**Tony:** Such as… a certain web slinging profession?

**Peter:** are you accusing me of being Spider-Man?

**Tony:** I wasn’t but  _ should _ I?

**Peter:** awe you did the italics

**Peter:** and no spider-man’s a bitch

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Peter:** he stole my churro

**MJ:** fight him

**Harry:** you don’t even like churros

**Harley:** _ that was once _

**Ned:** sharing is caring

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Peter:** _ he stole my churro _

**Tony:** Well maybe you should have shared. 

**Peter:** he should have asked

**Peter:** he’s so lame

**Tony:** So obviously it’s not you. 

**Peter:** obviously

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** that was a close one

**Capslock Man:** You good, kid?

**Spidey:** _ jfc _

**Nat 🙂 :** ??? Do you need help?

**Hawkguy:** _ do you? _

**Captain Sizzle:** Everything okay, son?

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Peter:** someone kill me

**Tony:** Should I be concerned?

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Ned:** Peter just saw me across the green and threw his phone at me 

**MJ:** it is yours now

**Ned:** i am now Spider-Man

**Harry:** how many times did he text the wrong group

**Harley:** wait but if he’s been doing that all day it makes so much sense

**Harry:** you didn’t know he had been doing that all day?

**Harley:** no???

**Harley:** you did?

**MJ:** lmao if i ask a question here can we delete it so Peter doesn’t see?  **[message deleted]**

**Ned:** i have his phone now so ofc  **[message deleted]**

**MJ:** does he know you two are sleeping together yet  **[message deleted]**

**Harry:** _ Mary Jane  _ **[message deleted]**

**Harley:** _ y’all  _ **[message deleted]**

**Ned:** i’m  _ dying  _ **[message deleted]**

**MJ:** you two flirt  _ so hard _ how can he not know  **[message deleted]**

**Ned:** to be fair the boy  _ is _ oblivious  **[message deleted]**

**Harley:** Harry’s flirting isn’t  _ nice  _ **[message deleted]**

**Harry:** excuse you i’m fucking perfect  **[message deleted]**

**Harley:** i’m not  _ arguing _ that  **[message deleted]**

**MJ:** you do just basically ignore him  **[message deleted]**

**Ned:** it do be like that sometimes  **[message deleted]**

**Harry:** can this be done now  **[message deleted]**

**MJ:** why  _ haven’t _ you told him  **[message deleted]**

**Harley:** are you kidding?  **[message deleted]**

**Harley:** you see how he is at even the  _ thought _ of me liking Harry  **[message deleted]**

**MJ:** Peter wouldn’t be upset  **[message deleted]**

**Harry:** he probably wouldn’t be  **[message deleted]**

**MJ:** but?  **[message deleted]**

**Harry:** but  **[message deleted]**

**Harry:** idk MJ  **[message deleted]**

**Ned:** this conversation done?  **[message deleted]**

**Ned:** so i can delete it  **[message deleted]**

**MJ:** for now  **[message deleted]**

**Harry:** yes  **[message deleted]**

**Harley:** _ please  _ **[message deleted]**

**Ned:** okay bye bye it never existed

**Peter:** what never existed?

**Peter:** guys?

**Harry:** don’t worry about it

**Peter:** ????

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Capslock Man:** One: when the hell did you give yourself ownership of this group chat? @Spidey

**Spidey:** mwahaha 😈

**Captain Sizzle:** ????

**Nat 🙂 :** you  _ are _ always confused, Steve

**Sergeant Soldier:** it’s his default

**Captain Sizzle:** Why do you always pick on me?

**Sergeant Soldier:** it’s  _ my _ default

**Ant-Man:** Spice Girls are the shit

**Capslock Man:** Get out of here, Scott.

**Spidey:** don’t be mean

**Spidey:** Scott is right and he should say it

**Ant-Man:** this is why Spidey’s the best

**Spidey: 😌**

**Spidey:** _ friendship never eeeends _

**Hawkguy:** _ if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my friends _

**Best Avenger:** Lady Darcy and I sing that song at karaoke!

**Spidey:** someone please tell me there’s a video of that that exists

**Bruce:** Yes

**Spidey:** _ please _ send it to me

**Spidey:** i will forever be in your debt

**Bruce:** no

**Nat 🙂 :** sure

**Spidey:** _ praise _

**Capslock Man:** Two:  _ I know who you are now _ . 

**Spidey:** and how to italicize look at you go

**Captain Sizzle:** Know who  _ who _ is?

**Capslock Man:** Our resident wall crawler.

**Spidey:** it’s not nice to call Sam names

**FlyBoy:** he means you

**Spidey:** impossible

**Spidey:** who is this doppelganger

**Capslock Man:** I don’t think this is something I should just drop in the general chat. 

**Spidey:** _????? _

**_Music Intern_ **

**Tony:** I know who you are. 

**Harley:** ???? congrats?

**Tony:** No, I  _ know _ who you are.

**Harley:** am i being left out on another joke?

**Tony:** Come on, kid. Do I really need to say it?

**Harley:** i mean probably

  
  


**_Direct Message with Spidey_ **

**IronMan:** Harley Keener.

**Spidey:** that’s for real your username?

**IronMan:** That’s all you have to say for yourself?

**Spidey:** i mean arghhhhhh how dare you discover me

**_Music Intern_ **

**Tony:** Kid, I  _ know _ . 

**Harley:** i’m still so lost here

**_Country Roads_ **

**Peter:** Tony thinks you’re Spider-Man

**Harley:** oooooooo that makes so much more sense now

**_Direct Message with Spidey_ **

**IronMan:** I mean it tracks. Good job hiding it. You could have kept hiding it if you hadn’t let Oscorp slip. 

**Spidey:** yeah? 

**Spidey:** elaborate

**IronMan:** It’s code, right? You don’t actually have an internship there, you just didn’t want to admit to having an internship at SI.

**Spidey:** i don’t?

**Spidey:** why would i make oscorp up?

**IronMan:** Because your connection to there is infinitely worse. 

**Spidey:** ?

**Spidey:** _ is it _ ?

**IronMan:** Yeah, kid. You’re dating the CEO’s son. 

**Spidey:** _ am i _

**IronMan:** At least sleeping with him. 

**_Lifetime Achievement Award_ **

**Peter:** ohohohoho

**Harry:** Santa? Is that you?

**Peter:** you have so much explaining to do

**Harry:** i

**Harry:** about?

**Peter:** oh you  _ know _ what

**Harry:** i do?

**Peter:** _ Harold Theopolis _

**Peter:** why didn’t you tell me?

**Harry:** i mean it’s nothing serious 

**Peter:** that’s my  _ roommate _

**Harry:** what are you talking about?

**Peter:** what are  _ you _ talking about?

**Harry:** the labs at oscorp?

**Peter:** _what labs at oscorp_

**Harry:** there are  _ no _ labs at oscorp?

**Peter:** _ Harry _

**Harry:** fuck

**Harry:** so... funny story

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You mean you've didn't see plot coming? 😂


	7. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have the foggiest idea what's going on this entire fic so that's fun

**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Peter:** one

 **Harry:** please no

 **Peter:** _one_

 **Peter:** since _when_ are Harry and Harley dating

 **MJ:** oop

 **Ned:** you told him?

 **Peter:** _YOU KNEW?!_

 **Ned:** no 

**MJ:** this is brand new information

 **Harry:** MJ 😭

 **MJ:** how could you ever keep such a thing from us

 **Ned:** how _dare_ you corrupt Harley 

**Peter:** back the fuck up

 **Harley:** oh no he’s swearing it’s real serious

 **Peter:** i will _kill_ you and _no one will find your body_

**Harley: 😶**

**MJ:** why don’t you ever threaten my boyfriends

 **Harry:** you date boys?

 **MJ:** you’re right 😔

 **MJ:** i date men

 **Ned:** and Gwen

 **MJ:** i date men and Gwen

 **Harry:** by men do you mean Peter

 **MJ:** that was a wild five years

 **Harley:** _five_ years?

 **MJ:** yeah from the time we were 10-15

 **MJ:** we never kissed or did anything but Peter gives damn good cuddles

 **Peter:** MJ is very warm

 **MJ:** damn straight i am tiger

 **Harry:** god i hate that nickname

 **MJ:** _foxy boy_

 **Harry:** i hate that we’ve been friends this long 

**MJ: ☺**

**Peter:** stop distracting me

 **Harley:** you’re so easily distracted though

 **Peter:** we’re not friends anymore 

**Harley:** i

 **Peter:** you broke the roommate friend code

 **Harry:** jfc

 **Peter:** why didn’t you tell me

 **Harley:** this is _new_

 **Peter:** i’m not talking to you

 **Harley:** 😔

 **Ned:** rip Harley

 **Ned:** sometimes i can still hear his voice

**Harley: 😔😔😔😔**

**Peter:** Harrryyyy

 **Harry:** Peterrrr

 **Harry:** you can’t hate Harley when he’s your alibi

 **Harry:** is that the right word?

 **Harry:** alibi doesn’t feel right there

 **MJ:** you are top of your class

 **Harry:** god i know it’s _exhausting_

 **Ned:** did Peter actually kill someone?

 **Ned:** do we need to initiate protocol b

 **Peter:** no

 **Peter:** Tony thinks Harley’s Spider-Man

 **Harley:** omg i totally forgot about that

 **MJ:** you’re into that @Harry

 **Harry:** i’m so disappointed in myself

 **Harley:** hey

 **Ned:** Harley is a catch

 **Ned:** kind of

 **Peter:** _Harry_ is a catch

 **Harry:** i _am_ a catch

 **MJ:** lmao wait so Stark thinks _Harley_ is Spider-Man?

 **Harley:** it’s wild 

**Harley:** do i get my own spidey suit now

 **Peter:** no 😡

 **Harley:** _please_

 **Harley:** omg do i get to have your Spidey phone and be in the Avengers chat

 **Ned:** _rain down chaos upon them_

 **Harley:** i want to

 **Peter:** NO

 **Harley:** why does Harry get to but not me

 **Harry:** i’m better 

**Harry:** obviously

 **MJ:** Peter _will_ steal your boyfriend

 **Harley:** please don’t he is very much out of my league

 **Harry:** shut up

 **Ned:** i see the young love is still there

 **Peter:** Ned is the only one of you i still love

 **Ned:** omg ☺

 **Harley:** is TS going to talk to me more now

 **Harley:** because idk if i’m okay with that

 **Harry:** go make friends

 **Peter:** oh god _probably_

 **Harley:** he already talks so much

 **MJ:** i’m still cackling at the idea of Harley-i-trip-over-my-own-feet Keener being spider-man

 **Harley:** i did that once

 **Harry:** Peter tripped over his own shirt once and just fell out a window

 **Ned:** wait was there a two

 **Ned:** @Peter

 **Ned:** i need to know

 **Peter:** yeah wtf is going on at oscorp

 **Harry:** nothingggg

 **Harry:** why do you keep bringing our dms up here

 **Harley:** something’s going on at oscorp?

 **MJ:** when _isn’t_ something going on at oscorp

 **Ned:** really though

 **Peter:** why won’t you tell me

 **Harry:** why won’t you let it go

 **Harley:** Peter is incapable of letting something go

 **Peter:** is it dangerous?

 **MJ:** i’m endlessly entertained that no one has ever hacked this chat

 **Ned:** i’m too good for that

 **MJ:** but like if anyone did they would have a _slew_ of information about Spider-Man that would blow up the world

 **MJ:** Peter can i post some of our dms in the bugle lmao

 **Peter:** _no_

 **Ned:** do it

 **Ned:** make it a weird one about poptarts

 **Peter:** what weird one about poptarts

 **MJ:** Peter tell me about your love of poptarts

 **Peter:** no

 **Harley:** Peter once threw poptarts at me because i bought off brand

 **Peter:** i threw _off brand_ poptarts at you

 **Peter:** not _poptarts_

 **Peter:** wait Harry come back

 **MJ:** let the boy be

 **Peter:** i need to know if it’s dangerous

 **Harley:** you need to stop pushing

 **Peter:** Harley

 **Harley:** Peter

 **Peter:** should i be concerned

 **Peter:** it’s not a hard question to answer

 **MJ:** it is if you know Norman

 **Ned:** cinnamon poptarts are the best 

**Peter:** _fuck you Ned_

 **Peter:** strawberry superiority

**_Mary Janes _ **

**MJ:** don’t push with Norman

 **MJ:** you _know_ not to push when it comes to him

 **Peter:** i need to know he’s safe

 **Peter:** that we’re all safe

 **MJ:** as far as i’ve been told he’s still on his meds

 **MJ:** he’s only dangerous if he goes off them

 **Peter:** he’s gone off them before and Harry’s said nothing

 **MJ:** because he was _sixteen_

 **MJ:** he didn’t know any better at sixteen, Pete

 **Peter:** what if _he’s_ gone off them

 **MJ:** we’d know

 **MJ:** you worry so much

 **MJ:** Harley can handle some of the load with him

 **Peter:** i know

 **Peter:** Harry’s not a load

 **MJ:** Peter i think your biggest problem with him is that you always think there’s something that needs to be fixed

 **MJ:** instead of accepting that it’s just _who he is_

 **MJ:** you know that’s why he didn’t tell you right

 **MJ:** because you always try to fix things

 **Peter:** i don’t

 **MJ:** you do

 **MJ:** medication isn’t going to fix his view of Norman

 **Peter:** Norman’s not a nice man

 **MJ:** except he’s _nice_ when he’s medicated

 **MJ:** we don’t understand the psychology behind everything between the two of them and we shouldn’t be trying to

 **MJ:** do you trust him

 **Peter:** Harry? Ofc

 **MJ:** then you _have_ to trust him to tell you if things get concerning

 **MJ:** if you keep pushing he’ll just cut you out again

 **Peter:** you’re right

 **Peter:** i know you’re right

 **Peter:** but MJ

 **MJ:** listen, tiger

 **MJ:** i know you want to protect everyone 

**MJ:** but that’s not your job

 **Peter:** Gwen’s lucky to have you

 **MJ:** and we’re _all_ lucky to have you

 **Peter:** stahp

 **MJ:** _never_

 **MJ:** you’re still the most important man of my life 

**MJ:** you know that right

 **Peter:** and you’re still my best girl

**MJ: ❤**

**Peter: 💙**

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Nat 🙂 :** i would kill for Clint’s dog

 **Hawkguy:** i _have_ killed for my dog

 **Wanda:** i would also kill for Lucky

 **Pietro:** Lucky is the best thing about the Coulson home

 **Captain Sizzle:** Not the Barton home?

 **Hawkguy:** funny that you think i own anything

 **Nat 🙂 :** he says like he doesn’t own a barn upstate

 **Wanda:** and an apartment building

 **Hawkguy:** don’t spill all of my secrets

 **Pietro:** you have secrets

 **Spidey:** i am Alive

 **Spidey:** and it is everyone’s problem

 **Best Avenger:** Hello again, man of spiders!

 **Spidey:** i think i cry every time Thor greets me

 **Best Avenger:** Do not weep, my friend.

 **Spidey:** _i am sobbing_

 **Capslock Man:** Spider-Man has a boyfriend. 

**Sergeant Soldier:** don’t out him

 **Captain Sizzle:** Uncool, Tony. 

**Ant-Man:** _?????????????_

 **Ant-Man:** _but_

 **Spidey:** nope

 **Spidey:** yes i do

 **Capslock Man:** I don’t approve of your choice in men. 

**Spidey:** i didn’t ask your opinion

 **Capslock Man:** That’s partially the problem. 

**Iron Patriot:** The dad vibes. 

**Capslock Man:** I am _not_ a father. 

**Spidey:** my father wouldn’t have gotten involved in my relationships

 **Capslock Man:** Because he left right?

 **Spidey:** dude

 **Ant-Man:** bro

 **Nat 🙂 :** Tony I know you’re excited but if Spidey’s id is something he wants to be secret you shouldn’t be putting out clues in the chat

 **Spidey:** i have an old stalker 

**Spidey:** alert someone send help

 **Pietro:** _i’ve fallen and i can’t get up_

 **Spidey:** i’ll throw you off a building

**Pietro: 😲**

**Pietro:** wanda help

 **Wanda:** i can’t hear you over my lack of caring

**Pietro: 😲**

**Capslock Man:** Sorry. 

**Spidey:** _wait did you just apologize to me_

 **Spidey:** Nat is a _goddess_

 **Nat 🙂 :** everyone knew this already but thank you

 **Bruce:** her ego doesn’t need that boost

 **Hawkguy:** are we talking about Nat?

 **Hawkguy:** and how much i _adore_ my best friend

 **Nat 🙂 :** clint

 **Nat 🙂 :** we’re not drunk if you wax poetic i will _know_ you hit your head yesterday

**Hawkguy: 😔**

**Hawkguy:** i did hit my head yesterday how did you know

 **Nat 🙂 :** it’s my super power

 **Spidey:** mine is _sticky_

 **Capslock Man:** Kid, what _are_ your powers?

 **Spidey:** i _sticky_

 **Pietro:** i fast

 **Wanda:** no one asked 

**Pietro: 😲**

**Iron Patriot:** I’m not convinced that Clint doesn’t have powers. 

**Iron Patriot:** How else can he hit literally _every_ target?

 **Nat 🙂 :** purely by bullshit

 **Hawkguy:** it amazes _me_ every time i hit every target

 **Spidey:** he’s lying he has an ego the size of manhattan

 **Hawkguy:** only where it’s deserved

 **Nat 🙂 :** his ego is Phil’s fault

 **Spidey:** suit guy?

 **Spidey:** he’s the cool sunglasses guy?

 **Hawkguy:** yes 😎

 **Spidey:** _dope_

 **Spidey:** anyway i’m sticky

 **Ant-Man:** and strong

 **Spidey:** and strong

 **Spidey:** and i have this sense thingy that tells me when danger’s afoot

 **Spidey:** i call it my spidey sense 😊

 **Ant-Man:** and you’re smart

 **Spidey:** yeah but that’s not a superpower 

**Capslock Man:** Should I be offended?

 **Spidey:** your superpower is that you’re rich

 **Sergeant Soldier:** he has a point

 **Spidey:** yours is that you’re old

 **Sergeant Soldier:** you’re not wrong

 **Spidey:** and metal arm

 **Sergeant Soldier:** and a _smolder_

**Captain Sizzle: 🙄**

**Spidey:** yours is your _righteous patriotism_

 **Capslock Man:** Righteous patriotism hahaha

 **Sergeant Soldier:** truth, justice, and _communism_

 **Captain Sizzle:** James 

**FlyBoy:** oo full named

 **Spidey:** i always forget your name is James

 **Nat 🙂 :** i’m the only one that calls you James

 **Sergeant Soldier:** Nat’s superpower is being terrifying

 **Nat 🙂 :** as it should be

 **Iron Patriot:** What’s mine?

 **Spidey:** Tony

 **Capslock Man:** Yeah?

 **Spidey:** you’re Iron Patriot’s super power

 **Capslock Man:** Oh?

 **Spidey:** because you finance him

 **Iron Patriot:** I dislike that you’re not wrong. 

**Spidey: 😈**

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Peter:** let me in

 **Tony:** No? 

**Peter:** i _will_ throw your coffee out the window again

 **Tony:** Fine.

 **Peter:** thank _god_

**_Music Intern_ **

**Tony:** So how did you get your powers?

 **Harley:** uh

**_Country Roads_ **

**Harley:** how did you get your powers?

**Harley:** Peter?

**Harley:** i can see that you’re on, you know

 **Harley:** are you _seriously_ not talking to me

**Harley:** i’m going to make something up and you’re just going to have to live with it byeee

**_Music Intern_ **

**Harley:** mutation

 **Tony:** You’re a _mutant?_

 **Tony:** Is that why you hang out with the X-Men?

 **Harley:** yes

**_Country Roads_ **

**Harley:** you _hang out with the x-men????_

 **Harley:** i thought you only hung out with Deadpool?

 **Harley:** _is that the x-man you let them think you hang out with?_

 **Harley:** Peter you’re such a _disaster_

**_Music Intern_ **

**Tony:** So you’ve had your powers most of your life?

 **Harley:** no

 **Tony:** Right, Xavier said they tend to show during adolescence.

 **Tony:** What I don’t get is why he didn’t find you before you started your whole spider schtick.

 **Harley:** that’s a question for him not me

 **Tony:** I mean, unless he did and you turned him down. 

**Tony:** Or your guardians wouldn’t allow you to leave. 

**Harley:** i’m going to stick with none of your business and just go back to class

 **Tony:** Okay, okay, one more question.

 **Harley:** _why_

 **Tony:** Exactly. _Why_ date Harry Osborn? The kid’s the same brand of crazy as his dad. 

**Harley:** don’t be a dick

 **Harley:** mental illness doesn’t make you crazy

 **Harley:** and _you_ don’t get to have a say in who i do or do not date

 **Harley:** we are _not_ that close

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Peter:** i have a question

 **Tony:** I have an answer. 

**Peter:** if your best friend was keeping something from you 

**Peter:** and you _know_ they have a good reason to

 **Peter:** but you also don’t trust the person they’re keeping the secret _for_

 **Peter:** what would you do?

 **Tony:** So vague. 

**Tony:** I have so many questions. 

**Peter:** i can’t get more specific

 **Tony:** Are you talking about your roommate perchance?

 **Peter:** no someone else

 **Peter:** i just don’t know what to do

 **Tony:** Could it be dangerous? Whatever secret they’re keeping?

 **Peter:** potentially

 **Peter:** i mean it has been before

 **Tony:** Then maybe it’s best if you told someone that could help. Like, I don’t know, your boss. 

**Peter:** no i can’t get you involved

 **Tony:** Kid, if it’s potentially dangerous. 

**Peter:** i can handle it

 **Peter:** i just don’t want it to seem like i don’t trust my friend

 **Peter:** because i _do_

 **Peter:** i just don’t trust who they’re keeping it for to not be doing something dangerous

 **Tony:** Would your friend tell the right person? If it was something dangerous?

 **Peter:** i want to say yes

 **Peter:** because we’re not defined by our past mistakes

 **Peter:** but idk

 **Peter:** it’s his dad, you know? **[message deleted]**

 **Peter:** you didn’t see that

 **Peter:** but it’s someone he cares about and he wouldn’t want to get them in trouble

 **Tony:** I did see that. 

**Tony:** And I don’t know, Peter, that’s a shitty situation. 

**Tony:** There’s no right or wrong answer here. But you have people that can help. If you need it. 

**Peter:** you’re right

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** who wants to help me break into oscorp


	8. Crime?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly the resolution many were hoping for but who knows 🤷♀️ maybe it'll show back up later 😉

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Hawkguy:** crime?

**Nat 🙂 :** this could be fun

**Captain Sizzle:** Why?

**Sergeant Soldier:** why  _ not _

**FlyBoy:** i hate to be on Cap’s side on this

**Sergeant Soldier:** no you don’t

**FlyBoy:** but  _ why _ would we be breaking into a super secure office building

**Spidey:** by Oscorp i mean Oscorp’s  _ labs _

**Capslock Man:** This is not what I meant when I told him he had people he could go to for help. 

**Spidey:** ??

**Capslock Man:** Don’t ?? me. You know what I’m talking about. 

**Spidey:** but i raise you

**Spidey:** i simply want to

**Hawkguy:** cRiMe

**Bruce:** Is Clint having a stroke?

**Nat 🙂** **:** he’s with a government man, he hasn’t done not sanctioned crime in a long time

**Nat 🙂 :** neither have i for that matter 

**Captain Sizzle:** We’re not doing  _ crime _ . 

**Sergeant Soldier:** says the guy that drives without a license

**Captain Sizzle:** I shouldn’t  _ have _ to get a license. 

**Ant-Man:** that man is a national treasure, if you pull over Captain America you should have to deal with the consequences

**Sergeant Soldier:** _ he’s _ the one breaking the law not the cop that pulls him over

**FlyBoy:** Steve just smiles and gets out of a ticket

**Captain Sizzle:** I do  _ not _ . 

**Sergeant Soldier:** he pretends he’s innocent but he’s the worst of all of us

**Nat 🙂 :** i’ve seen that man fight for a senior discount

**Spidey:** i’ve watched @Hawkguy be short 25 cents for a coffee and just  _ pretend _ there’s an avengers discount

**Hawkguy:** it worked

**Captain Sizzle:** That’s… not how that works, Clint.

**Hawkguy:** _ it worked _

**Spidey:** so who’s helping me break into Oscorp

**Pietro:** yes

**Vision:** I feel I should encourage you against this. 

**Wanda:** don’t be boring, Vis

**Pietro:** yeah brave little toaster

**Wanda:** you’ve never even seen that movie

**Hawkguy:** _ CrImE _

**Bruce:** I am legitimately worried about Clint about 90% of the time he sends a message. 

**Nat 🙂 :** he’s fine

**Best Avenger:** I will help the man of spiders on his mission. 

**Spidey:** Thor is a true friend

**Capslock Man:** Usually I’m all for messing with Norman Osborn, the guy is worse than Bruce when it comes to anger issues, but this seems like the exact opposite of what we should be doing. 

**Spidey:** and Tony is trying to be a dad

**Capslock Man:** No, I just don’t want anyone to do anything they’ll regret. 

**Capslock Man:** Why don’t you just  _ ask _ your boyfriend for help here?

**Spidey:** what?

**Sergeant Soldier:** you know, Spidey

**Sergeant Soldier:** _your boyfriend_

**Spidey:** right

**Spidey:** he does not need to know

**Capslock Man:** Won’t that just cause more problems?

**Spidey:** perhaps

**Spidey:** but sometimes you have to things people won’t like in order to protect them and others

**Nat 🙂 :** you have a saving people thing don’t you

**Spidey:** doesn’t  _ every _ superhero?

**Spidey:** look, if you guys don’t want to help that’s fine

**Spidey:** i can reach out to literally any other team

**Capslock Man:** I don’t want to see you do something that you and your friend that told you about this is going to regret. 

**Captain Sizzle:** Why don’t you lay out the  _ actual _ problem and we’ll decide, as a team, what the best solution is?

**Captain Marvel:** the logical solution is usually the most annoying one

**Hawkguy:** crime?

**Nat 🙂 :** maybe crime

**Hawkguy:** crime 😔

**Nat 🙂 :** you pout like you actually  _ like _ committing crime

**Hawkguy:** reminds me of my childhood

**Bruce:** Still concerned. 

**Hawkguy:** love you too Brucey

**Bruce:** Slightly more murderous, now. 

**Hawkguy: 🙃** bring it on, Hulk’s scientist half

**Best Avenger:** Man of spiders has been typing for a long time. 

**Capslock Man:** Good. 

**Pietro:** are we  _ not _ doing crime?

**Hawkguy:** we are  _ maybe _ doing crime

**Wanda:** depending on if the crime is for a good reason or not

**Vision:** I should not encourage these decisions. 

**Wanda:** Vis, you  _ love _ ignoring locked doors

**Vision:** I simply do not see the point of using them when I can easily phase through the wall. 

**Wanda:** a locked door means you’re supposed to stay out

**Vision:** But what if I am already inside?

**FlyBoy:** coming back to  _ that _ later

**Spidey:** Do you ever just get a feeling that something’s off? 

**Captain Marvel:** it took you that long to type out that message?

**Spidey:** no i just didn’t want to say anything i shouldn’t

**Spidey:** so i had to type things and then erase them and then type it again and then erase it again

**Capslock Man:** A feeling, unfortunately, isn’t a good enough reason to break into somewhere. 

**Captain Sizzle:** I’m really not used to Tony being the responsible one. 

**Nat 🙂 :** it feels weird

**Hawkguy:** who are you and what have you done with Tony Stark

**Iron Patriot:** Is this about that kid? 

**Spidey:** no this is about how much i don’t trust Norman Osborn and have good reason _ not _ to trust him

**Spidey:** but i’m also best friends with his son and should trust  _ him _ but don’t when it comes to making the right call about his father 

**Spidey:** and  _ then _ i find out that there’s apparently a secret lab that no one’s supposed to know about but no one will tell me what’s  _ in _ the lab which is something i would only be kept in the dark about if it was something serious

**Ant-Man:** how sweet

**Spidey:** Scott nothing about that is sweet

**Ant-Man:** you calling your boyfriend your best friend is sweet

**Ant-Man:** Hope’s my best friend too

**Ant-Man:** but so’s Luis 

**Spidey:** right yeah he’s my best friend and boyfriend 

**Captain Sizzle:** So let me get this straight. 

**Sergeant Soldier:** nothing about us is straight, Stevie

**FlyBoy:** ha

**Captain Sizzle:** You found out that there’s a lab at Oscorp that’s being kept a secret from at least you. Is that  _ you _ you or Spider-Man you?

**Spidey:** i mean

**Spidey:** both?

**Captain Sizzle:** But is it purposely being kept from  _ you you _ or from Spider-Man?

**Captain Sizzle:** Because one of those could maybe be solved by just asking for an explanation and the other might be a tad bit more concerning. 

**Capslock Man:** Don’t get me wrong here, kid, I don’t trust Norman Osborn as far as I can throw him. He’s sleazy and cuts corners. But he’s not  _ dangerous _ . 

**Spidey:** he  _ is _ dangerous

**Capslock Man:** I feel like you’re trying to be vague and just talking yourself into a corner here. 

**Nat 🙂 :** you’re not giving all of the information

**Hawkguy:** they have you there, Spidey

**Hawkguy:** i’m all down for crime as much as the next guy but you can’t expect a team to be with you when you won’t give them 100% of the information

**Spidey:** it’s not my information to give

**Captain Sizzle:** You’re used to working alone. I get that. But you reached out for help for a reason. Why is that?

**Capslock Man:** My fault. 

**Capslock Man:** Well okay, Spider-Man reaching out for help isn’t my fault but someone reaching out to  _ him _ is my fault. 

**Spidey:** right 

**Spidey:** because no one will tell  _ him _ what’s going on either

**Nat 🙂 :** is it possible that  _ nothing _ is going on

**Spidey:** i hate that you’re all being responsible adults right now

**Captain Sizzle:** I think you know what the right thing to do here is, son. 

**Capslock Man:** You have to trust your boyfriend. 

**Spidey:** i mean Norman’s been known to keep certain projects off the books before

**Nat 🙂 :** like?

**Spidey:** like you know

**Spidey:** the whole one that lead to the spider that bit me

**Pietro:** i hate spiders

**Spidey:** dude same

**Capslock Man:** I thought you were a mutant?

**Spidey:** ???

**Capslock Man:** You literally told me that you’re a mutant. 

**Spidey:** i mean 

**Spidey:** _ technically _ i am?

**Capslock Man:** Did you lie to me then or are you lying to me now?

**_Country Roads_ **

**Peter:** YOU TOLD HIM I’M A MUTANT?!

**Harley:** oh you’re talking to me again

**Harley:** yeah i did

**Peter:** WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

**Harley:** dude it’s not my fault

**Harley:** i asked you how you got your powers and you didn’t answer 

**Harley:** i couldn’t just tell  _ Tony Stark _ that i didn’t know  _ how _ i got my powers

**Peter:** YES YOU COULD HAVE

**Harley:** like he’d believe that

**Peter:** he would have believed you’re being cagey and don’t want to tell him

**Peter:** why a  _ mutant _

**Harley:** because it was the easiest

**Harley:** no you want the honest answer? 

**Harley:** because you not talking to me when it’s  _ your _ identity i’m protecting is a shit move, Parker and you know it

**Peter:** i was  _ in class _

**Harley:** you were  _ online _

**Peter:** dhsf

**Peter:** i got bit by a radioactive spider in high school on a field trip to Oscorp

**Peter:** it mutated my dna

**Peter:** _ that’s  _ how i got my powers

**Harley:** so it’s not exactly a lie then

**Harley:** just have to be creative on how you explain it

**Peter:** i’m sorry i ignored you

**Harley:** i’m not sorry for getting you into whatever mutation based situation you’re in

**Peter: 😔**

**Peter:** you’re mean

**Harley:** and that’s why your best friend is dating me 😇

**Peter:** we’re still not there yet

**_AvengeChat_ **

**Spidey:** i didn’t lie to you at all

**Spidey:** i was bitten by a radioactive spider during a field trip to Oscorp

**Spidey:** it mutated my dna

**Spidey:** re: mutant

**Spidey:** but also 

**Spidey:** the project that the spider was a part of was never on the books

**Spidey:** and was an attempt to create either a super soldier or something that could heal injuries faster

**Captain Sizzle:** Why is everyone always trying to make more super soldiers?

**Nat 🙂 :** well they got it right exactly twice so why not keep trying

**Sergeant Soldier:** i wouldn’t call me _getting it_ _right_

**Nat 🙂 :** who said i was talking about you?

**Captain Sizzle:** _ Who else? _

**Hawkguy:** don’t worry about it

**Captain Sizzle:** _???????? _

**Capslock Man:** Did your boyfriend know about it then? 

**Spidey:** no we were like thirteen

**FlyBoy:** how old  _ are you _ ?

**Spidey:** stranger danger

**Capslock Man:** If he did would he have told you about it?

**Spidey:** idk probably

**Spidey:** but he’s kept secrets for his father before

**Capslock Man:** From  _ you _ ?

**Spidey:** from Spider-Man yeah

**Capslock Man:** But has he  _ from you _ ?

**Spidey:** not that i know of

**Captain Marvel:** so it stands to reason that if it were something potentially dangerous towards you he would tell you what was going on, yeah?

**Spidey:** you all weren’t supposed to  _ talk me out _ of crime

**Nat 🙂 :** you came to the wrong group of adults, kiddo

**Pietro:** should have just dmed me 

**Wanda:** Pietro stop encouraging this

**Pietro:** no 

  
  


**_Polka Dotted Underpants_ **

**Peter:** it’s  _ wild _ seeing the Avengers constantly refer to Harry as my boyfriend

**Harry:** there are worse things i could be

**Harley:** _ hey _

**Harry: 🤷**

**MJ:** if Peter were into Harry in any way they would be together

**MJ:** if he were into me in any way  _ we’d _ be together

**Ned:** we’re all just some sort of platonic love sandwich

**Peter:** why would you say it that way

**Ned:** where am i wrong

**_Coffee Intern_ **

**Tony:** You know when I said there were people you could go to for help I didn’t mean Spider-Man. 

**Peter: 😫**

**Peter:** thanks for talking him out of it

**Peter:** he can be a bit impulsive sometimes

**Peter:** _ i _ can be a bit impulsive sometimes

**Tony:** We all can, kid. 

**Tony:** I feel like I should take you out for some ice cream or something. 

**Peter:** i have like five papers due monday 

**Tony:** You’re in your lab, right?

**Peter:** Hannah’s lab

**Peter:** but yeah

**Tony:** What’s your favorite ice cream?

**Peter:** anything  _ but _ mint 

**Tony:** Why do I know so many people that don’t like mint?

**Peter:** it’s the devil’s herb

**Tony:** Okay then. 

**Tony:** Double mint it is.

**Peter:** Mr. Stark  _ no _

**Tony:** Tony.

**Peter:** yes that is your name

**Tony:** Call me it. Mr. Stark makes me feel old. 

**Peter:** but you  _ are _ old

**Tony:** I will throw you and our ice cream out of the window. 

**Peter:** this is workplace harassment 

**Peter:** and Miss Potts will  _ not _ stand for it

**Tony:** You broke my window. 

**Peter:** _ you told me to _

**Tony:** I can’t hear you over how right I am. 

**Peter:** about  _ what _

**Tony:** Everything 😎

**Peter: 🙄**


	9. Ice cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly wasn't going to write this part but I also really wanted to show Peter and Tony growing closer so... here it is. The ice cream hang out.

Peter’s lab was on the ninth floor of a twelve story building, nestled between the bathroom and intern's break room and perpetually either sparkling clean or an absolute war zone of a mess. Cleaning wasn’t exactly Peter’s forte, but he had a higher standard of _clean_ than most considered even dirty. He blamed, rightfully, May and her experience at the hospital she worked nights at and, mostly, Harry and his compulsive need to always be doing _something_. He had spent many a day at the Parker household simply helping May deep clean the place while Peter poured over homework. Currently, the lab danced in between the two - the project Peter was working on was strewn across the work surface and his laptop was projecting a blueprint of the AI he was working on coding on the wall. 

Peter was no engineer but he knew _enough_ to make his own suit, web shooters, and everything else that Spider-Man employed. It helped, he admitted to himself begrudgingly, to have Harley to look over his work before he went out in it. His roommate had saved him from crashing into walls one too many times. If Peter was the type of man to keep count of such a thing he would have to admit that the statistical probability was _against_ him not accidentally harming himself. 

He sighed and scratched at his nose with the handle of a screw driver, gnawing at his lip and wincing when he twisted just a bit too far to the left and pulled on the bruises that littered his side. It wasn’t anything that wouldn’t be gone by the end of the day but just because he healed fast didn’t mean that injuries had suddenly lost their ability to heal. Mary Jane had tisked at him when he had shown on her balcony, hand pressed too tight to his side, but she had waved him inside, sat him on her toilet, and fetched her first aid kit. He hadn’t done anything on purpose, but when it came between _him_ and civilians getting injured Peter would choose himself a thousand times over. 

Plus, he healed and all of his friends had extensive first aid training. 

He would be fine. 

The doors swooshed open a moment after he heard the beep at the ID pad by the door. His hands were steady as he placed the last metal piece into the tight slot and he held his breath as the mechanical whirring of fans filled the air. No explosions, no fire, no smoke. His lips twitched in a sort of self-satisfied smirk reminiscent a bit too much of Ned when he successfully managed to hack into Iron Man’s system and sat back in his chair, pushing the clear safety glasses that had been sliding down his nose up to the top of his head. 

Tony Stark stared at the small box Peter had just been hovered over and then blinked himself out of whatever trance he had been stuck in. Peter didn’t truthfully know why he was shocked that Tony had arrived. He _had_ told him that he was going to be visiting him in the lab only minutes before. Still, Peter hadn’t really expected his boss to want to spend more time with him than was necessary. 

It wasn’t that they didn’t get along. Peter respected the hell out of Tony Stark - the genius behind the man more than the superhero in a metal suit. He was single handedly responsible for more than half of the technological advances the world had made since his birth, he was very obviously attempting to do good things with the company that had been thrust onto him, and he _seemed_ genuinely nice to the majority of people. The thing was, Tony Stark, while he was all of those things, was also… _annoying_ . He didn’t clean up after himself, he loved to purposely antagonize his staff, hadn’t known Peter’s name - who was his _personal intern_ \- until Peter threatened to quit, and could barely pull his thoughts away from himself long enough to notice the rest of them. 

Or maybe that was Harry speaking through Peter. 

It wasn’t really a lie to say that Peter had been more exposed to the Osborn way of thinking than the Stark growing up. His father had worked with Norman, he had spent a great deal of time after school in the Oscorp labs and, while he didn’t _like_ Norman the majority of the time he still had a healthy dose of _respect_ for the man (and if Peter thought _his_ emotions when it came to Norman Osborn were complicated he had _nothing_ on his best friend). Norman, for a great deal of Peter’s life, had been like a second uncle to him. He, mostly, treated Peter like a second son (and that, Peter supposed, was the real issue. Because he treated _Peter_ better than he treated his own namesake half of the time). So Peter had spent a long time hearing about the bad side of Tony Stark. While everyone could admit that Tony was smart, a genius, and a pioneer, not _everyone_ agreed with his methods or personality. He was abrasive, rude, and pushy. 

Reminded Peter a bit of himself, to be honest. 

A bit more of Harry, if he really allowed himself to think about it. 

“What’s that?” Tony asked, pointed at Peter’s project and kicked out Hannah’s rolling chair so that he could sit down across from Peter. He dropped two half pints of Ben and Jerry’s beside Peter’s laptop, curiously peaked at the screen, and then raised his eyebrows in what Peter could think was approval. Or, honestly, it looked more like he was impressed with Peter’s work than it was that he simply approved. “Is that what I think it is?” 

“That depends,” Peter said slowly, peering around Tony’s shoulder at the cartons of ice cream. He _had_ brought mint. He tried not to wrinkle his nose in displeasure. “What do you think it is?” 

“Looks like one of those mother box things from that shitty Ben Aflack movie.” Tony noted, fished two silver spoons from his back pocket and pulled the mint chocolate chip ice cream carton over to himself. 

He leaned back in his seat and popped it open, the spoon digging into the green mixture smoothly and the chocolate chips cracked under the pressure of his teeth as he _chewed_ the ice cream. Peter didn’t know whether to be impressed, flattered that Tony hadn’t brought the mint for _him_ , or disgusted that he could hear the man chewing. “Justice League?” He guessed - purely off the memory of Ned and Harry dragging him to the movie and both being a mixture of happy and disappointed at the end - and grabbed the cookie dough ice cream that Tony had left for him. His favorite. How had he known? 

He glanced curiously at his boss and then peeled the carton open when Tony simply quirked an eyebrow at him in response. 

Right. 

It had been a while since Peter or Harley had the extra income to spend on name brand ice cream. Typically, if they bought _any_ it was one of the store brands that tasted a bit like the container it was packaged in. Mary Jane always brought him some from her grandmother’s shop in Maine when she visited during the summer and Ned would fight _anyone_ if they dared say anything stood up against Cold Stone but Peter had always been more of a fan of Ben and Jerry’s than anyone else’s. Perhaps it was because it was the brand Ben used to buy. Or perhaps he was putting much thought into ice cream brands _again_ . “You have _five_ papers?” Tony asked after a moment of comfortable silence between them, his legs crossed at the ankles and eyes curiously gazing at Peter where he sat opposite him. 

He had wrinkles at the corners, and greying hair at the temples and Peter remembered just how long his boss had been doing this _hero_ thing. He had been in his late twenties when he had been kidnapped, in his thirties the first time the Avengers banded together to save the world from an alien invasion, and that had all been close to fifteen years ago. Tony Stark had never married, never had any kids, and dedicated the best years of his life to protecting the same people that would rather see him and his team persecuted and thrown in jail half the time. 

Peter got how _that_ felt. 

Compared to Iron Man, Peter was new at all of the superhero business. Sure, he was rounding on ten years as Spider-Man and had his own gallery of criminals that he tended to deal with on his own, but he was a toddler staring up at the Avengers with wide eyes and begging to be taught. 

He would have been ashamed of himself if the image wasn’t so damn funny. “Yeah, I have three labs for applied physics, like four discussion posts, a paper on Shakespeare and one on criminal law due monday.” 

“Why are you taking anything to do with Shakespeare if you’re going into science?” Tony asked around a spoonful of ice cream and Peter laughed at the image he presented - green leaking out of the corner of his mouth and an ice cream carton cradled to his chest. 

“Shakespeare is cool.” Peter didn’t _actually_ believe Shakespeare was cool. “Empire lets us take our pre-reqs throughout our degree program, so I saved my English credit until senior year.” 

Tony conceded. “How are you doing with all of that work?” 

Was it Peter or was his boss actually _concerned_ about Peter’s well being? “I’m doing fine.” He shrugged off the question and studied the slowly melting ice cream he held between his hands. It melted on his tongue, the sugar going straight to his system and waking him up just enough that the prospect of the amount of work he had to get done before patrol didn’t fill him with as much dread as it had earlier that day. “Miss Potts mentioned you have that, uh, meeting with Rand Industries tomorrow? Are you ready for that?” 

“It’s Danny Rand,” Tony rolled his eyes and scoffed. “The kid’s relaxed attitude terrifies most of the board members but we’ll just settle things over a game of darts.” 

Peter wondered if Tony knew that Danny was the Iron Fist or if, to him, he was just another billionaire that was thrust into the CEO position with the death of his parents. 

Like Tony had been. Like Harry _would_ be once Norman inevitably did something that got him killed or put in jail for the rest of his life. Or committed. 

The ice cream felt more like a ball of lead once that thought coalesced in his mind and Peter swallowed around it. The carton left a ring of condensation on the work table when he sat it down and bent back over his little mechanical box. “Hey, kid.” Tony said softly and Peter didn’t have the energy to deal with him on top of everything else he had to deal with. “Peter.” Peter ignored him in favor of double checking his work against the blueprint projected on the white board. “ _Parker_.” Tony kicked at his chair and Peter rolled away from the table from the force of it, the metal clanging against the work table and spidey sense trickling up his spine fast enough that he managed to spring to his feet moments before his chair swung into the cabinet that held beakers and metal goods. The glass crashed onto the ground with a mighty clang.

The worst part of Peter’s danger sense was the adrenaline rush it granted. In a fight it was never a problem once it went away but Peter wasn’t always _in_ a fight when it happened. Tony stared at him, eyes wide and Peter slowly, very slowly, walked over to the chair and pulled it away from the cabinet it had crashed into. The glass pieces crunched under his shoes and he placed the metal containers that had fallen onto Hannah’s empty work table. “Sit down, I’ll send someone in to pick this up later.” Tony pointed to a chair not covered in glass but Peter still bent down to begin picking up the biggest pieces of broken glass. 

Hannah wasn’t going to be very happy about the mess. 

“ _Kid_ ,” Tony groaned and stood up (his knees cracked as he did). He came around in front of Peter and bent down so that they were eye to eye. He didn’t touch but he did stare at the glass as though it held a secret he didn’t quite know yet. “You’re overworked. You’re tired. You’re _worried_ about your friend.” 

“You’re my boss.” 

“I thought Pepper was your boss,” Tony’s lips twitched in time with Peter’s small groan at the mention of his previous assistant. Peter _had_ thrown that in his face quite a few times, hadn’t he? “As the guy who’s name is on the side of this building, I’m a little invested in your work and mental well being.” 

“Why?” 

“What do you mean _why_ ?” Tony scoffed. “You’re one of the best workers here. When you graduate I’m absolutely poaching you fully from Osborn and offering you a job. But if you’re not okay up _there_ ,” he poked Peter square in the forehead. “Then you’re not going to be doing your best work.”

“Are you?” Peter asked suddenly, a defensive feeling crawling up his spine. 

Tony cocked his head and studied him with dark brown eyes. “Am I?” 

“Okay up _there_ .” He mocked and poked Tony between the eyes. “Because if _you’re_ not then you’re being a big preachy, aren’t you?” 

Tony snorted and stood up, glass cradled between his hands. “You got me there, kiddo.” 

“I’m twenty one, I’m not a kid.” Peter grumbled, and stood up smoothly. If Tony hadn’t been there he would have webbed the trashcan over to him but, as it was, Tony _was_ there and so he was stuck walking from one side of the room to the other to drop the handfuls inside. It was shocking, really, that no one suspected who he was at Stark Industries. He had shown up with web shooters attached to his wrists and Spider suit under his clothes most days and, yet, no one suspected a thing. Perhaps he was better at lying than everyone said he was. 

He could _see_ Harry’s incredulous look in his mind and the bark of laughter Mary Jane would have let out loudly at the thought. Like he hadn’t fooled _them_ for years. Granted, Peter reminded himself grimly, they did have other things going on that required more attention than Spider-Man’s identity at the time. “You’re wearing that t-shirt.” He gestured lazily towards Peter’s chest and he flushed and pulled the fabric, just a tad bit closer to his body. It was a Star Wars shirt Ned had gifted him with a year ago and had a hole in the corner but, well, it was comfortable. “You’re a kid.” 

“Plenty of adults like Star Wars.” Peter argued and brushed his hands on his jeans. 

Tony said nothing in response but instead dropped back down onto the chair he had previously occupied, ice cream back safe between the palms of his hands and eyes curiously taking in Peter from head to toe. “You know you’re the only intern here that doesn’t run away from me on sight. Or stumble all over themselves trying to impress me.” 

Peter snorted and ignored a chair all together to sit on the worktop beside his computer. He pulled it into his lap and shut it down, folding it shut with a small sigh. His day at Stark Industries was almost done, anyway, and it didn’t seem as though Tony was planning on going anywhere or letting him get more work done. “You’re not the scariest thing I’ve ever been up against.” 

“And _that_ is why you’re so interesting.” Tony mulled over his ice cream spoon and Peter’s anxiety set his teeth on edge. “What are you hiding, Peter Parker? Because it can’t just be your friendship with the enemy.” 

“I’ve never hidden my connection to Oscorp.” 

“I’ve never known.” 

“I literally walked in here wearing merch from them before. My social media has Harry all over it.” 

“You two are just friends, right?” Tony hummed. “Just asking since he’s dating another intern here.” 

“Harley?” Peter laughed into his ice cream. “I don’t know if I’d call them _dating_ but yeah. Harry’s been my best friend my entire life.” 

Tony nodded and swallowed. “So what are you hiding? You don’t seem the secret keeping type.” 

Peter mustered up his best impersonation of Mary Jane’s show smile and beamed around his spoon. “I’m not hiding anything, Mister Stark.” 

“Yeah you are.” Tony laughed softly to himself and kicked his feet up onto Peter’s worktop. Peter scowled at his shoes and shoved them off. 

“No shoes on the table.” 

“ _You’re_ on the table.” 

“It’s _my_ table.” 

“Technically,” Peter raised both eyebrows at him and Tony pursed his lips, a small smile spread across his lips. “You like working here, right?” 

Peter furrowed his brow and narrowed his gaze at the older man. He was studiously avoiding eye contact, as though if Peter looked at him he’d be able to see into his soul. How many interns had left even with job offers, Peter wondered. How many had Tony taken to training himself only for them to leave? How many of them hadn’t liked working with _him_ specifically? “It’s a good job. And you’re a pain in the ass but you’re a good boss.” He said the words softly, as though speaking them any louder would startle the older man, and then steam rolled into a different topic all together. “So when I broke the window by your office I came up with a really good idea on how to improve bullet proof glass, right? Like what if we were able to mold the glass to do what we wanted it to? Like keep something from coming _in_ but allow things to go _out_.” 

Tony’s feet migrated back up onto the table and he grinned behind his red tinted glasses. “Interesting. Carry on, kid.” 

“Not a kid.” 

“Just because you keep saying that doesn’t make it true.” 

“Okay, _old man_ , try to keep up.” 

“Listen here, young whippersnapper.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Favorite lines make me squee


End file.
